Don’t get me wrong; I was going to get up eventually.  I probably would have shot for more than 4 hours of sleep but I would have gotten up at some point.  You see I had worked all the day before and then started a paint job at 6 M.  I got into bed at 4 AM.  I do not do this sort of thing often but it was a Real Estate office that moves a lot of rentals and it might lead to more business.  Since they didn’t want me sloshing paint all over prospective buyers I worked overnight.  I was sleeping when it happened.

Because I was sleeping when it happened I cannot thrill you with visual descriptions of the excitement.  When I stumbled downstairs to get coffee my dear wife was quietly and efficiently putting things back to right and our normally “active” Aussie Shepherd was subdued and, dare I say, sheepish.  I took a small sip of coffee.  I shivered in pleasure. 

“I’m sorry the dog woke you,” said my wife.

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the dog that woke me.  In fact,”, I replied “I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t the dog that woke the whole house.”

“Really?”, she asked.

I took another little sip…lets see.  There was:

WOOF!  WOOF!   WOOF!

Then there was:

AAUURRGGGHHHH!

  STUPID DOG!!!!!  (in an angry, very loud, sing-song kind of a way) STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!

OOOHHHHHHH!  LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE!

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! (that unsettling singing again).

Pounding feet up the stairs and a rising, guttural sort of a growl.  Into the bathroom and the growl rising and forming into some type of shriek that every Banshee in earshot must have appreciated.  GgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRROOOOAAAAAH!

OH!  I HATE THAT STUPID DOG!

Bathroom door slams open.  Feet pounding down the stairs.  Lecturing the dog now.  Not entirely un-loud.  Not entirely a rational act.

 
                 Why did you do that? (No answer)

Do you see what you’ve done? (See?  Maybe.  Understand?  No way)

Look at this mess…Just look!  (No way to guess the canine response)

You are a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad dog!

You knew who it was.  Why do you have to do that when you know who it is?

Stupid dog.

You see, the dog had come in the back door to avoid a friend’s dog with whom there is some kind of doggy passive-aggression.  Anyway.  Came in the back door, raced to the front window, jumped up on the TABLE to bark at the dog it was just standing next to outside.  Coffee got knocked over into Dear Wife’s knitting bag.  Stains on her latest, light colored, project for youngest daughter.  Circuit breaker in Dear Wife’s head tripped, fried maybe.  Dog has no idea whatsoever.  What an intelligent breed!

So I’m awake.  To be honest, I suppose that the dog did wake me up.  Stupid dog!

Of course it was my wife that kept me awake.  Love her.