An Extra Ordinary Life

Am I being to idealistic!!! and Un Christian???

I was reading an article by Reb Bradley on one of my lists and I have been thinking about it alot. It was discusssing how being a homeschooling parent you can have lots of expectations about how your children will turn out because you have chosen this path and it had happened that thing don't turn out as you had hoped. I suppose that could be the key to it. Turn out the way you had hoped. Does that mean that you were not asking for God's guidance along the way or were you not listening to him. I suppose it would be good not to have to many expectations. I know some other people who have come to the end of their journey with some of their children and they seem so let down. I am not sure why yet have to ask more questions .

I guess it is good to remember your goals in this case and why you do what you do so that you can look back and know why you made the decisions.

It often occurs to me that what I am doing can look to others like a "fundamentalist" thing and I feel strange at that thought. I am not meant to be mainstream but what if like a friend of mine said ( I know that I might have a sultie(sp) to these words that must be broken as it still sits with me and she said it years ago in her own frustration and fear but anyway.) She said "Is this a social experiment gone wrong???" Well what can you say to that when we are all parents and most of us havn't done it before. I must bind up that fear huh. I so don't want this to have a negative affect on my children but sending them to school I know in my heart will have a bigger impact. I can't help but wonder but thankfully I can fall into the arms of my saviour and take comfort in him when I am in doubt. Will it ever go away though? 

I have had a situation with a friend who has three children who I have known since they were born. We were in Mums group together. We have always believed differently about raising children. She believes what she is doing is right by hers and who is to say she is not. We recently came to an inpass because she does not feel the need to discipline her children and sees me as a strict Mum who is taking my childrens childhood away because I am. It happened to be at my children's bday party and it was not fun for me or my husband because of their behaviour. This woman knew we were upset on the day, I just chose not to speak to her and advised a few close firends of both of ours that I had had enough and admittedly used some stong words to describe her children. Vandals was the word I used because they were trying to kick down some signs at the nature park we were at. Of course the Mum never saw it but we did a few times that day. The mum found out and was upset that I didnt tell her myself. I probably should have. I just felt I could not be around her anymore. I could not be around the negative vibs and energy her children create and I just stopped calling. I homeschool because I don't want my children to have to deal with children like hers yet.  I just did not think it was fair to tell her because I was judging her for the way she was raising her children I think the way she goes about it is  wrong but telling her that would not change things so why bother and I know that what I do may not be right but for now it works. Well of course, she found out why I hadn't spoken to her and came to confront me. I just said we had come to a crossroad and it was time to leave it because we don't see it the same way. She left the ball in my court to come and see her and her children. I haven't. I have prayed about it and still don't know what to do. Is there a time being a Christian that you have to let go or am I being Un Christian for feeling I dont want my kids around this???  I love this mother and if we didnt have the children issue we would remain friends. I suppose people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and this could be the end of a season I just can't seem to let it go.  Maybe just being in her life will be a witness to her but at what expense...

Well enough of emptying my brain. I love so much to do this hear.. can you tell I have had time to think. My prayers have been answered and I am working only two nights a week at the moment so have more time to think things thru I pray it stays that way.  The holidays are good for that too.

Untitled Comment

6:51 AM, Jun. 27, 2006 .. Posted by CommunicationFUNdamentals

There is a temptation to share your feelings about things like this with others and not the person with whom you have the issue because it can turn into a confrontation and confrontations can be difficult. So it is often easier to share your feelings with one who is not a potential for confrontation. However this doesn't help the situation between you and this woman.

I have had situations like this before as well. I find it best to be up front. You don't have to tell her that her children are hoodlums. lol Share with her your concerns. Here is what I have done in the past:

I discipline other children if the parent isn't around. If they are doing things that are illegal or wrong and the parent is not watching. I will tell the child no and then go tell the parent so they know. If they didn't know, they usually realize that they need to watch their children more carefully. If they did know and just don't want to discipline, they are a little convicted because someone else had to in their stead.

I have told a mom that "the two children together (hers and mine) were a difficult combination. Mine were arguing but you could say that they tend to do things togehter that they may not do seperately. If you talk about your child as well as hers, it is less likely for her to feel you are picking on her parenting skills. Though you might be!

I have told a mom that I don't allow my children to do (xyz) and that makes it difficult when this situation comes up. You can tell her that you don't want your son to see her kids doing this because he is easily influenced or because you don't want him doing it or whatever. Now she knows why you have an issue and she can either choose to address it or understand better why you won't get together with her.

Sometimes the Lord directs you away from people. Sometimes we are directed to minister and we are always directed to love others but there are times when we cannot put our children in harms way and shouldn't in order to befriend someone.

Listen to the Lord and see how He directs you. I would be honest with her in a nice a way as you can but be honest. I woudl apologize for your comments to the other woman and explain that you were a little frustrated with the situation and didn't know how to approach her.

I would be surprised if she hadn't had these issues come up before for her. If you had an issue with her children, I am sure there were others who did also. If you speak out of love, pray about it, you may make a greatful friend from this awkward situation!

I will be praying for you both!

JoJo

Is there a time being a Christian that you have to let go or am I being Un Christian for feeling I dont want my kids around this?

2:32 PM, Jun. 27, 2006 .. Posted by HomeGrownKids

Hi Karen,
It's always easy to see things from another perspective when one isn't involved in the situation eh? So, please take what I have to say with a grain of salt, deleting anything and everything that is not right.Okay? ~smile~ I have been in situations where our relationship has dissolved because of our children...and other situations. i found that there are guiding principles that I had to learn as there are still situations where I need to practice them ~sigh~ Ah, we never 'get there' do we?

I asked myself how I would like to be addressed by another woman, in a similar situation? Well, not sure I'd want to even be addressed but if I had a preference for the manner of it I guess I'd have to say that I'd like it done in private, in gentleness and love. I would like to sense a type of respect even though the other mother might have different opinions and beliefs to me...that she loved me despite those differences of opinion, that make it hard to have regular contact.

Romans 12:10 says, "In love of the brethren be tenderly affectioned one to another; in honor preferring one another;"

To love the bretheren, to love one another and be tender with them...to lead by example, to go before them with grace is what we are called to do. If they are wrong in their thinking and practical application, then we can 1) lead by example in grace and 2) pray for them and 3) because we still have a relationship with them, the Lord may use as as a vessel of His grace and mercy and teaching later on but if we sever that relationship over a non divisive issue then we have cut ourselves off from being His vessel in that area.

I'm not sure it's a matter of who is right or wrong...but how are *we* preferring one another in love. We are also teaching our children how to 'handle those with a different opinion'. Let's be careful that we don't preach a message of self righteousness to our children through our actions. Gee, home-based-learning can be hard at times, as it really tackles all the issues that otherwise might not come out eh?

Karen, please know that I have gone through this and still continue to exhort myself with this. I'm not standing on the outside, from on high trying to speak at you. I couldn't as I'm not in your shoes...just trying to share what I went through in a similar situation. I do have a dear friend that I love and love her family, but for reasons we just can't seem to be able to have a relationship like we have had. I believe she loves us and continues to pray for our family as we do hers...but our differences of opinon and practice have us with limited contact for the sake of the gospel and our children. But, there's grace in this, and love.

Hugs,
Susan <><

Oh Karen, you have...

2:52 AM, Jun. 29, 2006 .. Posted by HomeGrownKids

you have a beautiful heart. Open, willing, transparent...the Lord loves it when our heart is like that. Then, we can be vessels of his grace and mercy.

God bless,
Susan <><