Jan. 27, 2009
Writing Class: Lesson 14
''Aaah!" Josh, Nick, and Mara screamed as they barely scraped by a hideous, jagged rock.
"Hey, I think we lost the natives,"Josh shouted over the roaring rapids.Inwardly, he felt something is strangely wrong.
Suddenly all became still and quiet, like a calm before storm. The lush green of the trees seemed to hide a treacherous secret. The forest seemed to hold it's breath, waiting and watching for something to happen. The trio looked around at hearing a noise get increasingly louder.
Breaking the silent spell, Nick yelled,"Waterfall!!"Their sweating, cold, hands gripped the rubber handles of the raft tightly....
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Posted by skmarlow
Comments
Jan. 28, 2009 - Lesson 14
Posted by skmarlow Welcome back!
You have some great elements in this scene! I especially liked this paragraph:
Suddenly all became still and quiet, like a calm before storm. The lush green of the trees seemed to hide a treacherous secret. The forest seemed to hold it's breath, waiting and watching for something to happen. The trio looked around at hearing a noise get increasingly louder.
What a great way to set the mood for your cliff-hanger! :-)
Are you going to expand the scene so I can see what happens when they go over the falls and if they survive? :-)
p.s. Did you know that the Old Schoolhouse magazine is putting on a short story contest? Are you going to enter?
Click "home" on my sidebar and you can read the entry about it and get the link to the contest....
p.p.s. OK, I just saw my C-box! You moved to Egypt? Oh, what a GREAT place for story fodder! I'm jealous. What are your folks doing in Egypt that you moved there?
Edited by skmarlow on Jan. 28, 2009 at 2:36 PM
You have some great elements in this scene! I especially liked this paragraph:
Suddenly all became still and quiet, like a calm before storm. The lush green of the trees seemed to hide a treacherous secret. The forest seemed to hold it's breath, waiting and watching for something to happen. The trio looked around at hearing a noise get increasingly louder.
What a great way to set the mood for your cliff-hanger! :-)
Are you going to expand the scene so I can see what happens when they go over the falls and if they survive? :-)
p.s. Did you know that the Old Schoolhouse magazine is putting on a short story contest? Are you going to enter?
Click "home" on my sidebar and you can read the entry about it and get the link to the contest....
p.p.s. OK, I just saw my C-box! You moved to Egypt? Oh, what a GREAT place for story fodder! I'm jealous. What are your folks doing in Egypt that you moved there?
Edited by skmarlow on Jan. 28, 2009 at 2:36 PM