The Upside of Pain =)
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My post the other day got me to thinking. I failed to mention the upside to my pain, and there truly is one. I've come to notice over the last decade or so that there is so much more to being in pain than the actual pain itself, or praying/waiting for healing. It's everything else. The first couple of decades of my life were spent focusing on the more selfish side of the pain. It was a back and forth saga within my spirit, of praying for healing, and then blaming God when it did not take place. There would be good days and bad days, but, I only focused on the bad, and good just seemed so few and far between to me. I was very bitter at the world, as well as the people in it. I could not understand why it seemed like everyone else could do the things that I couldn't, and get the things I wanted, yet they did not even desire it. No matter what I did to try to change my lot in life, it was always to no avail, while others effortlessly achieved what I strived endlessly for (decent health, days w/o pain, ability to conceive, etc). But within recent years, since receiving His precious Holy Spirit, the Lord has truly begun to do a mighty work in me. He is by no means finished yet, but I know that I have come so far from where I once was, and I praise Him knowing that there is more to come. Instead of dwelling on the painful times, I can relish in the simplest of pleasures during the pain-free days, hours, or even moments. And my praise is so much more sincere during those times! It brings joy to my heart even now to think on countless times when I've been in excruciating, tear-jerking pain, crying out to God, while my family's voices are soaring to Him on my behalf at the same time. And then, for maybe thirty to sixty seconds, it happens...the most beautiful, moment of nothing. No pain, no tears, no crying. Just joy...and praise. Praise for the moment of reprieve from pain, and the reminder that He is there. Never mind that the pain will come again in a few seconds, just enjoy NOW. I 'll capture it in my heart, to hold on to when the pain comes again, because I know that the promise of that moment will come again, at any moment. It gives me hope. I try to take this frame of mind along with me no matter how long the pain is gone for. If only for a minute, praise God. If for a day Praise God. If for a week, a month PRAISE GOD!!! I want to make every moment count. It is this manner of praise and worship that allows me to take pleasure in the seemingly mundane aspects of life. I shutter to think at how I may balk and complain at the life that He has chosen me to live, if not for my pain. If it were not for the painful moments, how else would I find joy in:
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."
~ Mark 1:40~ But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ~2 Cor 12:9~ They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. ~Psalm 126:5~ Now when Jesus had come into Peter’s house, He saw his wife’s mother lying sick with a fever. So He touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served them. ~Matt. 8:14-15~ |
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In light of my last post, I thought it appropriate to share my all time favorite spiritual song. From my very first time hearing it, there has not been one time that I have listened to this song and not cried (including when I just watched it in order to post it here,  LOL. I'd never seen the video before, and was able to see the song in yet another light). I can't remember of any other song that has touched my heart, and spoken the words that are locked in it the way the words to this one does. Of course, she didn't create the words,  (which is why the Bible passage she sings of make me feel the same as her song does) she just put them to music... And for those that have a hard time watching and hearing at the same time, lol, I thought to include the lyrics as well, for your reading pleasure. It was the lyrics, after all, that drew me to the song. I've loved the song for about 3yrs now, and only just saw the video today... One Touch - Nicole C. Mullen Been ostracized for 12 years I'm used to being alone Spent everything I had And now it's gone I'm used to being put down My issues tell it all My only hope is anchored In this fall Chorus If I could just touch the hem of His garment I know I'd be made whole If I could just press my way through this madness His love would heal my soul If only one touch So many people calling How could He ever know That just a brush of Him Would stop the flow If He knew would He rebuke me Or shame me to the crowd Well I'm desperate 'cause it's never or it's now If I could just touch the hem of His garment I know I'd be made whole If I could just press my way through this madness His love would heal my soul. And then suddenly He turned around He said somebody has unleashed my power Well, frightened and embarrassed I bowed You see I told Him of my troubles And how... I had to touch the Hem of His garment And i know I've been made whole And how I had pressed my way through this madness And His love has healed my soul. Then with one word He touched the hem of my garment And you know I've been made whole And somehow He pressed His way through my madness And His love has healed my soul. I tell you He Touched me. He reached way down and touched me When no one else would touch me Jesus shol' 'nough [[sure enough]] He touched me... And I know I've been made whole |
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| I've been in pain most of my life. At least the last two and a half decades. Usually, it's a pain that I can muscle through and deceive most by my outside appearance. Other times the pain becomes so evident that there's no hiding it. Nevertheless, there is always a pain, however dull or sharp. Usually unexplained, and most times incurable. And no, I'm not a hypochondriac, I usually do not alert any one to these pains unless absolutely necessary, and even then, I'm quite reluctant. This past week, it went to a new level. I began having a slight back spasm about 3 weeks ago. I mentioned it to my husband in passing, because although, I'm equipped for various pains, the one was new. I didn't want to take anything for it (not that it would have worked because my body has become immune to every OTC drug on the market) so I just pressed on. It didn't seem major, and I assumed that it would go away in time. It didn't. The following week I began to notice that my range of motion was becoming more and more limited as I attempted to not aggravate this pain any further. I went on with my daily routines, though they began to take me twice as long, and when around others, I'd attempt to sit, stand, bend, etc, as if my back were not being taken through a torture chamber. By the end of the first two weeks, no one was the wiser, since my husband had been working such long hours, I only had to pretend for the few moments before he left the house in the morning, and before he went to bed at night. AJ began to slowly catch on, as he'd see me make awkward movements when I thought no one was looking, or he'd notice me stabilizing my self on pieces of furniture in order to move around, he'd come and offer his shoulder for support, or to pick something up for me, etc. Then one night last week, while we were sleeping, I went to roll over in bed and let out a shriek that woke DH in a fright. He repeatedly asked what was wrong, and when I finally said "my back", he replied, "Still? From a couple of weeks ago? It's that bad?" I told him not to worry, and convinced him it would be ok and he eventually fell asleep. With tears in my eyes, I attempted to do the same... The next morning, I awoke even stiffer and in more pain the previous mornings, but after a few moments was able to lift myself out of bed. Using the walls to steady myself, I made my way to the kitchen, where I planned to begin making breakfast as usual. I reached for my cookbook, which sits just slightly higher than counter top level on the bar top behind it. In previous days, I knew that this stretch was not attainable, but I attempted anyway. Big mistake. My back completely gave out as my body crashed to the floor.... I attempted to pull myself back up to no avail, so I began to crawl. Back to my bedroom to my husband. As I rounded the hallway to the bedrooms, I began to feel nauseated. Having many years experience of fainting, I knew what was coming. But I was already on the floor, and almost to the room, so I convinced myself that I had to at least make it to my husband. I didn't want my family to awake to mommy passed out in the hallway. So after a slight pause to regain (or so I thought) my composure, it started crawling again. Didn't make it. I passed out right there in the hallway just a few feet from my bedroom door. Thank God, I awoke before my son did, and started crawling again, dizzy and all, to the door of my room. Got to the room, and DH shot up just as I got the door opened and saw me on the floor (later he told me he was having a dream that the house was on fire, and thought he smelled smoke, thus why he shot up so fast w/o knowing I was there). I said the words, "Honey, help...." and hit the floor again. Don't know how long I was out that time, but I know DH was by my side. And he has been ever since. He and AJ have been my caretakers. At the current time, I am unable to sit, stand, walk, and various other tasks w/o one of them to help me, or an extremely steady piece of furniture to hold on to. They basically set me up in a specific area, and that's where I stay until further moved. On occasion, I can stand in the kitchen for a few moments or walk around it, because it is pretty small in there and the counters are pretty sturdy. I'm thinking that this may enable me to put together a few quick meals this week (hubby did all the cooking last week, I'm gonna attempt this wk, we'll see). My family and church are sending up prayers on my behalf for healing (it it is His will), and strength (if it is not). I know that my God is good and all things will work together for good. Even if this is just another thorn in my side.... |
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| Things have been a bit out of sorts around here. It's rainy outside, and although, I have the sliding door beside me cracked open, so that I can hear and smell the rainfall, I wasn't so fond of this falling water just 5 short minutes ago. Just thinking about it, I can still feel the rain pelting my head, and my feet slipping around on the ground beneath me. I just came back in the house from sloshing around the chicken pen (although saying the word "sloshing" and remembering how soaked it is out there, it felt more like a pig pen). We've had some wind and rain, so everything was all over the place and soaked out there, and the girls were screaming at me, so I had to get them situated before grabbing that second cup of coffee, that was definitely calling my name. Usually tending to the chickens in the morning is AJ's job, unless he's unavailable, then usually Steve would get to it, especially on such a nasty morning as this. But alas, both of my guys are unavailable, so I must brave the storm alone, literally. AJ has been sick, and sleeping the majority of the time. He is very rarely sick, so it is a bit strange, but his body really needs the rest. All of our sleeping patterns have been a bit disturbed lately, due to Daddy's hectic schedule. His business is uncharacteristically busy for this time of year (actually busier than it's been in about 3 yrs!), and he is working night and day (literally) to keep up. Over the past couple of years, the business has had it's high's and low's, so when one contract would seem to be at a stand still, he'd attempt to quickly bid another, so that he/his employees would always have work. Well, for the first time (probably ever) ALL of his contracts have something that they want him to do...NOW. Sooo, as a family, we've been working around his schedule (thank God for homeschool!) waking up early with him to eat breakfast together (6-7am), and staying up late to have dinner w/him (12-1am). AJ is usually given the option to have dinner at regular time, and get some sleep, but he has been choosing to stay up each night, and just catch sleep when he can (usually napping after breakfast, and before dinner). Well, I think it has finally caught up to him. I know that sometimes we adults can run ourselves into the ground and not think twice, but the young ones really need their rest. The entire time that he's been sick, that's all he's wanted to do...sleep. But he's just so torn, between wanting to get better, and wanting to see Daddy that he's over doing it. He even pretended that he was better yesterday, because he wanted to go to work w/Daddy (he allows him to come on the wknds), but DH ended up bringing him home after a couple of hours because he was burning up w/fever, short of breath, and had a splitting headache (he actually took his first grown up headache meds yesterday, it was so bad). He eventually admitted that he'd felt achy from the time he woke up, but didn't want to give in to it. When I asked him why he didn't just stay home, and tell us how he felt, he said, "You, don't see Daddy staying home from work, just because he's sick." Point taken... Thanking God for consistent work in a tough economy, and praying for my boys health, |
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| I'm so excited, I hit the jackpot at the thrift store the other day. We found tons of board games that we'd been keeping an eye out for (because I refuse to pay $20 at Walmart for some of the "better/newer" games), some cute baskets that I'll be using for organizing my craft room, some pre-quilted fabric w/batting that I'll be using to sew up some (much needed) new pot holders (and the fabric matches my kitchen!), and a few other things. But what I'm most excited about is a bunch of sweaters that I found! These are not sweaters that we'll be wearing though (well at least not in their current form), but I'll be unraveling them to use the yarn for other projects! There's nothing more depressing than looking through one knitting book after another (or patterns online) and discovering that you'll need 11 balls of yarn to actually create the item that you just fell in love with. Especially if you're buying your yarn from your local yarn store or even Walmart. For example, let's say I wanna make this bag  It uses 2.5 balls of cotton yarn, these balls of yarn cost $5.49 each, you do the math. (Alright, for those of you that are lazy, that's ~$13.73). Not bad, but you could probably buy one for less than that and not waste your time. But, if you found a sweater @ the thrift store for a couple bucks, I could now make this bag, and other goodies (scarves, mittens, shirt, etc) to boot! For a fraction of the price. Back to my original example of an 11 ball project. Even if I found yarn for $1 /ball (highly unlikely for good yarn), that means that the 11 ball item I wanna make is gonna cost me $11 at best (and like I said $1 yarn is almost unheard of). But if I go to the thrift store and find a sweater that cost $2-3, there's my yarn! To get the most bang for my buck, I usually seek out mens sweaters or the larger sizes of women's. Knitters know that men's sweaters use a notoriously large amount of yarn, so you will definitely get your money's worth (as far as yarn goes). I've even found that sweaters that I usually wouldn't even consider paying that amount for ($4-5 in some cases), become worth it when I think of how much that same amount of yarn would cost me for that particular material ($20-40). Plus, I can often find something that my family would never wear, like an ugly, stretched out of shape sweater, and create something that they need (hats, scarves, smaller sweater that actually fits, etc.). I was so happy to discover this concept a couple years ago, and it has helped me to preserve the family budget it two ways: It allows me to indulge in a healthy habit on the cheap, and in turn the habit provides my family with the goodies they'd need anyway (and that we'd subsequently be purchasing at a higher price). In my opinion, most craft/hobby stores are so over priced, that more often than not, you can buy the item that you would like to make for much less $. But the point of wanting to make the items (for most, or at least for me) is to be frugal. So more often than not, I steer clear of them, and find my sources for yarn, fabric, and other crafty notions on Ebay or @ thrift stores... If you're interested, here's a cool link on recycling sweaters. Enjoy your weekend! In the meantime, I'll be unraveling... |
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| Being a contractor, my hubby is ALWAYS bringing home extra materials and such that are leftover from jobsites. Most of it we try to put to use in some way, and we've been able to remodel our home almost completely by just replacing things bit by bit as he gets material. Some of the wood goes into the fireplace during winter months, and then the rest...well, it just sits in our backyard "waiting" to be used. I've been known to complain about the never ending piles and stacks of materials all over the place, and we've often said (serious and joking) that if we ever just bought land, we could pretty much build our next home just from the recycled materials that he brings (sure it would happen a bit more slowly than if we hired builders and such, but it's a possibility nonetheless.) Well, here's a man that put his money where our mouths are. And he's not just doing it for himself, but for others that have need. It's quite amazing actually. He's made it his life's mission to help the working poor to be able to achieve the American Dream of home ownership. It's kinda like Habitat for Humanity, but on a whole 'nother level, lol. From what I've read, he only requires $500 and a steady job. Even if the style of the home isn't appealing to you, the concept is golden. I could totally understand his philosophy, especially considering we could probably frame a small house w/all the wood in my backyard, lol (oh, yeah, and paint it, tile a kitchen, or two small baths)... |
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All About the "Wannabe" Recent Posts* My First Knitted Throw* The Upside of Pain =) * One Touch * The Thorns in My Side * Sleep and Sickness * Recycling Yarn - Supporting my wannabe knitting habit * Building Recycled Houses * Scheduling Our "Out" Days * Books for boys...that they'll read...willingly * The Flat Sheet Makes a Comeback * Well, if we can't paint the outside of the house.... * Making Cooking More Enjoyable Links* Home* View my profile * Archives * Friends * Email Me * My Blog's RSS Other Blogs I Follow* Homemaking Homesteader* Passionate Homemaking blog * Cherishing Young Biblical Womanhood * Christian Unschooling Categories* Being Frugal* Bible Studies * Family * Health and Fitness * Homemaking * Homeschooling * In the Garden * Knitting * Our Suburban Homestead * Ramblings of a Wannabe * Recipes * Weekly Menu Plans I'm Currently Reading
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See the strings dangling in the picture while he snoozes away?. 
Finally finished weaving in the ends (while the throw was still on him as he slept, lol), and as he got up to go to bed I was able to grab a pic of it finished. DH actually picked the colors of the throw. It doesn't really match this room, as much as our living room couch. But I have a feeling it'll end up being used more in here. Hmmm, should've thought that one through...
