Doing church work is by no means a walk in the park. As servants of God, we are automatically required to attend numerous group meetings, do our appointed duties every Sabbath, or spend hours organizing and delegating works that we are responsible for. We are constantly busy making sure that we can resolve issues that arise in church and can assist others where possible as we are all one family in Christ.
While all this is admirable, has our calling to be a living sacrifice for God in Christ’s family compromised our time and energy we spend with our own earthly family? Have we been able to strike the right balance between our family commitments and serving God and His church?
Our zeal for God in doing church work should not cause us to overlook our family commitments. In fact, providing for our family is part and parcel of doing God’s work. It is the starting point and the basis of godly service in the church: “[F]or if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?” (1 Tim 3:5).
Caring for our small [or large!] family unit should not be seen as a burden but should naturally stem from our concern and appreciation. Start from the small things: a simple greeting can brighten up Dad’s day before he goes to work; making a delicious breakfast for your kids can fuel their attention for school; praying together as a family at the end of the day can bring the whole family together to God. In doing this, do you not know that you are also doing God’s work?
Doing God’s work is not merely faithfully fulfilling our responsibilities as group coordinators, leaders, or members. It is also about using our time and energy to make a better spiritual, emotional, and physical environment for the whole family, just as we do for the larger community of faith in the church. God’s work really starts at home.
I got a comment on my last post from 2boysmom about limiting my son's time w/that particular cousin. And I gotta tell you, I couldn't agree more!. His time has been limited for quite a while now.
We began limiting his time w/this particular cousin with the very first signs of growing pains, that's why I noted the little comments my SIL was saying back in 5th grade. She thought some of it was cute, and other things she just thought was part of being a boy. Well, I beg to differ. I will not just sit by idly while my son just does whatever, and dismiss it as "oh its just part of growing up" or "man, I can't believe it's time for this already". Those are the types of comments she makes about his behavior, as if she has to adjust her life according to his whims and fancy's because it's just *time* for that particular behavior to start. From the very beginning, I saw her take on that mentality, and I knew that there would be major changes in her son because of it. That's when I began to warn my son, with the old mother's cry, "you just watch the changes that you'll see in that boy when he hits middle school", and now he admittedly sees them. It's very sad, but we are glad that we made the decision when we did to lessen the time that those two spent together (only a few times/year for the last couple of years).
I hate that we have to be that way with family, but I do believe that's why Jesus was so clear on *who* exactly the word "family" included. So that we wouldn't feel so obligated to be around certain people, simply because we share the same blood. Sometimes, it seems that we can get so wrapped up in, "but they're family", instead of truly realizing the effects that being around them may have on our/our child(ren)'s spirituality, that we end up cuttting off our nose to spite our face, know what I mean?
While He was still talking to the multitudes, behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him. Then one said to Him, “Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.” But He answered and said to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother and who are My brothers?” And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, “Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”
Matt.12:46-50
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple."
Luke 14:26-27
"Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on earth? I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."
Luke 12:49-53
***Of course, we convince ourselves that we are having compassion, or are "witnessing" to them (I mean, how will they ever get saved w/o us ). But fortunately, Jesus was quite clear on how we handle that as well. And it was not from spending unlimited amounts of time w/them. If we don't monitor time spent with non believers, even if they're family, someone will begin to change. And if its not them, then guess who?***
Also He said to them, “In whatever place you enter a house, stay there till you depart from that place. And whoever will not receive you nor hear you, when you depart from there, shake off the dust under your feet as a testimony against them." Mark 6:10
NOTE: all scripture emphasis (bold/underline/italics) added by me
The generous wife is a website (link is at the bottom) where you can sign up to get email daily tips on how to be more generous and loving, etc., toward your husband. If you don't like getting daily emails you can also go to the site and see the tips each day. Here's an example (today's emailed tip):
Tuesday June 19, 2007
Do you have internal rules? You know, the kind that says you can't go to bed until the towels are folded and neatly hung up. Now please understand I'm not knocking neatness or those things that make you feel a sense of accomplishment in your homes. What I'm suggesting is that the inner rules we have for us are just that, they are rules for us ... not for our husbands.
We can ask our husbands to respect our work and things that are important to us, but when we try to push our rules on them, they may feel disrespected and generally hurt. They are adults and have their own set of inner rules and values that are important to them.
The ideal thing, of course, is to communicate and find ways of accommodating each other's internal rules, but as a first step, take the time to watch your speech and actions to make sure that you are not trying to subtly shape your husband with your inner rules.
It's perfectly fine to spend your energy on what is of value to you, just understand that your husband may not feel the same and needs to be respected despite the fact that he has different values and desires.
Love your neighbor (husband?) as yourself. Matthew 22:39b NIV
BTW, this particular tip so applies to me. I'm a nutcase sometimes about things that just are not that important in my husbands book (actually not that important at all, but at the time seems to be life or death ). I am slowly learning that I truly have to pick my battles carefully, because if I'm constantly nagging over the little things, he is going to turn a deaf ear when something really important comes up, thinking that it's just me running off at the mouth again. I'm continually praying to be strengthened in this area.
"What exactly is a follower of Christ, and how do we know if we truly fit the bill?"
In Matthew 16:21-24 Jesus had just finished telling his disciples about the upcoming crucifixion, when Peter takes him aside and rebukes him saying "Never, Lord! This shall never happen to you!" Jesus in return, calls Peter "Satan" and a "stumbling block" that does not have in mind the things of God. Now, Peter as well as everyone else who knew him, obviously considered himself a follower of Christ. After all, Jesus had just called him the "rock, on which He would build His church" (Matt 16:18). But in verse 21 Jesus sets the record straight, that even Peter was not yet a true follower. Sure he'd hung around Jesus for quite some time, and had even "confessed with his mouth that Jesus is Lord" (Rom 10:9) just 7 verses prior. Jesus knew that it would not be until later, after Peter had been baptized w/the Holy Spirit, that this being "the Rock...that the gates of Hades will not overcome" would come to pass. But before this precious baptism would occur, there were precise requirements for "following" Jesus, that had to take place among the disciples (and us).
In Mat. 16:24 Jesus said "If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." It is so easy for us to glance over this verse, and still be content w/ our spirituality. But if we look deeply, we should ask ourselves if we are really following Him. Lets break down these steps one by one (using Bible Concordance and Dictionary) to get a clearer view of what He expects from His followers.
1.) The very first step given is to desire to come after Him. This goes deeper than just the urge to go to church once a week because it makes us feel good, or because it's what our parents did. The faith of our parents/peers/spouse, can only bring us so far, and this is where the Lord shows us it must end. We need to truly desire, wish for, long for, want to follow Him for ourselves, not just going with the flow. In other words, if our heart isn't in it, then don't even bother, we are not doing Him any favors by showing up to church/bible study, etc. half hearted. That is being "lukewarm", and He will "spit us out" (Rev. 3:16). That does not sound like fun to me.
But, just as the faith of others will only lead us so far, even when we are filled with a whole-hearted desire for following Him, we are only at the beginning of our journey. Wanting to follow Him, is not enough. We must then,
2.) "Deny yourself". What does it really mean to deny yourself? To deny means to declare untrue, refuse to believe; reject;refuse to recognize; decline to grant;restrain oneself from pleasure. Wow! That's a mouthful. But really think on it. This means that so much of what we feel, think, or were even taught to think must be rejected. There are parts of us, whether we want to let go or not, that we need to refuse to even recognize. There are pleasures of this life, that though society thinks of them as reputable & good, that we will need to restrain from doing, regardless of the cost. How do we know which things to deny? Well, these things could be addictions that the Lord Himself has told us personally that we need to forgo because they take too much time/focus away from Him (i.e. alcohol, drugs, certain foods, spending, possessions, telephone, work, sleep, TV, worldly education, caffeine, etc...). But even if we don't feel that we hear him speaking to us about a specific thing, there is a better way to find out directly from Him what He wants. Heb. 4:12,13 = The Word of God. We must use it to "uncover" the parts of our lives that do not glorify Him. After declaring our own thoughts untrue, we will find ourselves in the midst of persecution on all sides, co-workers/friends/family, will begin to make us feel foolish about our choices. At this point, we can cave in, because we can't take the feeling of "not fitting in" or losing close friends, OR we can move forward to step
3)Take up your cross. To take up, lift up, carry our cross, is a tough thing to do. This means to face trials, afflictions, torture, torment and crucifixion for the beliefs that we have. If we have done steps 1 & 2 correctly, then this means that we will face these trials everywhere, possibly even at church. Jesus was rebuked by those considered to be the highest in the Church, the Pharisees and Sadducee's. The same will be true for the "true" followers of Christ. Jesus warned us about the "lukewarm" people in the body of Christ for a reason. Let us not allow these lukewarm Christians jeopardize our walk. We are now free to
4) Follow Him. This means to go after; pursue; adhere to; comply with, OBEY; be attentive to (His Word); subscribe to the teachings of (no matter how popular); be a servant of Him recognizing that His position is higher than ours. Can we honestly say that we do this? Do we sometimes feel that our position on certain issues takes precedence over His? Do we overlook parts of the Bible/teachings of Jesus/things that He and His disciples did, and say that they don't apply to us, just because we don't want to do it? Do we find ourselves explaining away certain parts of the Bible that don't appeal to us...often? Do we find ourselves so wrapped up in the teachings of man, that we hardly open our Bible/pray to find out how God really feels about it? If so, then it's time to back track through the steps, and see where we fell out of line.
Jesus gave his disciples a precise formula for being his follower, and in following this formula we too, can be assured that we are true followers of the Messiah.
Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Mat. 16:25-26
(Much of this may or not apply to moms in the homeschooling community, but I shared it on my other blog)
Just thought I'd share my personal Bible Study, but beware - I can be long winded in my studies...
…admonish the younger women…to love their children. Titus 2:4
1 Cor. 13:4 Love suffers long…
Man, I was going to continue on through the rest of this passage in 1 Corinthians, but I have to make sure I completely digest the first half of this verse before moving on. This “love is…” passage is very well known, and often chosen to be the verse spoken during a wedding ceremony. It is hard enough to even comprehend how to properly love our spouses, but consider this same depiction when it comes to loving our children. In Titus 2:4, the older women are told to admonish (rebuke, advise) the younger women to love their children. Whenever I look at verses like this, I automatically notice something. If we have to be “taught” to do something, then it does not come naturally. The teaching may enhance something that is already embedded in our nature, but it takes some conditioning. Just as one who is talented in any certain area (sports, music, cooking, speaking, etc.), must endure some type of practice in order to fully realize that skill, we as mothers must do the same. We must take the time to go to God’s word, as well as to the older women in Christ, and be taught how to properly love our children.
At fist glance of the love passage of Corinthians, we see that we must first and foremost be willing to “suffer long“ (the NIV says “patient“, but that word does this verse no justice, so we will stick w/ NKJV/KJV on this one). As we enter the beginning stages of parenting, we are often elated while holding such a miracle in our arms, but as the years go by it truly begins to dawn on us that parenting never quite ends. Yet, while we may accept the fact that we’re in it for the long haul, are we truly willing to “suffer long“? Let’s take a concentrated look at the definition of suffer:
Suffer-to tolerate/endure; appear at a disadvantage;
1. to feel pain or great discomfort in body or mind
2. to experience or undergo something unpleasant or undesirable
3. to endure or put up with something painful or unpleasant
4. have an illness: to have a disease or a physical or psychological condition
5. to have as a bad quality, weakness, or flaw
6. to become or appear to be less good
7. to be adversely affected by something
8. to allow somebody to do something
How many of us are really prepared to look at parenting from this “long suffering” perspective? Are we eager to tolerate our kids, or do they “get on our last nerve?” We are not only to tolerate the good times, but also the “painful or unpleasant” times, as well. Are we, as mothers, prepared to "appear at a disadvantage" to others because we’ve chosen to raise and love our children as the Lord has appointed us? Are we reluctant to allow this particular fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22) to manifest itself in our lives? Or are we still striving to live our lives as if we’ve never had children, vowing that “my life does not have to change just because I’ve had a child.”
Really think on that point for a while.
More often than not, ladies, we are having our babies, spending 6-10 weeks w/them, and then hopping right back into the work place because we do not want society to look down on us (we don’t want "to become or appear to be less good") because we cannot keep up w/our workload outside of our home. We do not want to take as much time as it requires to even properly recover, and truly get to know our little ones. We have to show the world, and ourselves, that we are not "adversely affected" by such a minor mishap as getting pregnant, we are not "weak".
Yet, we must be prepared to look at the situation from our Father’s eyes rather than society’s. Parenting is not an obstacle that we must over come, it is a job given to us by God that we are to handle w/the utmost accountability and pride. We are told numerous times throughout the Bible that children are a blessing, and that they are from the Lord, they are never an accident (Psalm 127:3-5; Pro. 17:6). He forms them in the womb specifically for us to raise them for His purpose (Jer. 1:1-19, 1 Sam 1). We must take care to approach this responsibility as a direct assignment from the Lord, for it surely is. We must be fervent, long suffering, and prepared to undergo what may seem “unpleasant or undesirable” at certain points. We must be willing to once again (for this will surely not be the only time) look as if we are at a disadvantage from a secular point of view. We may “appear to be less good“, and even be looked upon as if we have “a disability or flaw“, because we choose to love our children.
While a tough pill to swallow, this rebuke in Titus 2 ends w/encouragement, “Do not let anyone despise you” for doing what God has told you to do. “For His grace, and His word will continue to teach us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions...while we wait for the blessed hope- [the coming of Christ]…for a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”(Titus 2:11-15)
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Psalm 127:3
Children’s children are the crown of old men, And the glory of children is their father (or mother )
Prov 17:6
But the fruit of the Spirit is love…[and] longsuffering…
Galatians 6:22
I'm a wannabe in every sense of the word. I wanna be good enough to make it to heaven, but Jesus died because I will never be. I wanna be a mom of ten living on a farm in the middle of nowhere, training my girls to honor God & their husbands, by being content, happy homemakers...yet God has seen fit to bless us with the opportunity to help rear for Him two boys (22 and 12), in the middle of suburbia ;) I wanna be a helpmate to my husband in every way possible, yet more often than not, I'm in his way, lol. I wanna be the perfect parent, that raises perfect children, yet I am constantly humbled by the fact that only He is perfect, and I must allow him to lead. I wanna be the ultimate caretaker of my temple, and the pinnacle of health to all around me, yet no amount of healthy eating/exercise keeps me from dropping to my knees often, in need of healing from the Great Physician. I could go on and on about the the things that I am trying to be, but I invite you instead to come and join me as I travel on my path toward virtue... ~Proverbs 31:10-31~
). But fortunately, Jesus was quite clear on how we handle that as well. And it was not from spending unlimited amounts of time w/them. If we don't monitor time spent with non believers, even if they're family, someone will begin to change. And if its not them, then guess who?*** 
). I am slowly learning that I truly have to pick my battles carefully, because if I'm constantly nagging over the little things, he is going to turn a deaf ear when something really important comes up, thinking that it's just me running off at the mouth again. 
I'm continually praying to be strengthened in this area.
) 
