Posted in God Speaks

Dayenu is a song that is part of the Jewish celebration of Passover.  The Hebrew word means "it would have been enough for us" or "it would have sufficed."  The song is about being grateful to G-d for all of the gifts he gave the Jewish people, such as taking them out of slavery, giving them the Torah and Shabbat, and had G-d only given one of the gifts, it would have still been enough.

Now I have to come clean and tell you the rest of this computer story because was so much more to the story and how G-d’s blessings were involved.  

I really am not that literate on the computer, more so than anyone else in my household but I just don’t have time to keep up to speed on everything nor have I had time to learn and that is why I got the nasty Trojan.  I come to find out that I had 2 virus protection programs running at once which basically negates each other providing no protection.  I also discovered many other things about my computer that I didn’t know.  The entire “discovery” process was long, involved, a HUGE GIGANTIC ENORMOUS learning curve for me.  Each step of the way was almost painful in the amount of time and effort it took to learn from the beginning.  At times I was desperate, confused, frustrated and angry.  Not receiving my email each day was driving me to near insanity and relying on the generosity of free help was excruciatingly slow and sometimes incorrect so I would have to go back to square one.  I filled an entire spiral notebook with notes just so I could keep track of it all.  I had to learn patience, which gave me time to understand and find out for myself the answers to my questions.  At one point in the process, I had no computer access at all because my monitor was taken to the shop for 2 weeks so all my school plans blew out the door.  We were fast getting further and further behind in our studies and I was getting weary.  I took this break as “there had to be a reason G-d took this away”.  I was having trouble with the kids completing school because the lack of the internet and now without a computer it was difficult to complete anything.  The boys were frustrated but saw this as a hall pass and their motivation, discipline and general enthusiasm just disappeared as well as mine.  I felt His love and His encouragement in continuing on.  What choice did I have?  I was frustrated and questioning our reasons for homeschooling, their motivation, my motivation, our lack of funds to fix the computer and my over all worth.  Each step brought me closer to fixing the computer but it was so slow coming and I felt I was slipping down a wet, muddy path.  I did realize that one way or another the computer problem would be solved but at what cost?  How long could my kids go with mom at the helm of a monitor and not at the school table or the kitchen table for that matter?  I was spending hours, days on end trying to understand the pig-Latin of computer-speak and then trying to apply it to my seemingly unfixable computer.  The kids even stopped asking me to come eat and brought food to my desk; they were cooking, I was not.  I was sick of this and in over my head even resigning to the fact that we would have to live our lives without a computer because there was no way we could afford another and I obviously wasn’t fixing the one we had.  I wanted to give up.  We tried other avenues like using the library computer but nothing was working.  I just wanted life the way it was.  

When I had exhausted all my help, I gave in and cried out, “L-rd if you want me to homeschool then you know I can’t do this without a computer so I commit this You.  This is YOUR problem so please solve it or tell me what to do” (I was even considering putting the kids in school at this point).  Now that isn’t to say that I didn’t pray about this before this time, I had, about everything but this time I felt so demanding and “How dare I” talk to G-d like that but maybe that is all He wanted -- a commitment, a turning it over completely to Him, MY commitment, my committing this to Him and turning it over allowing WHATEVER His answer to be, to be the answer that I excepted -- WHATEVER that answer was.  

And this is so G-d!

It would have been enough had he said, “no, computer” you’ll have to save your money.  It would have been enough.

But He didn’t say that ~ dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “no computer - you can still school” or if He had said, “no computer, no Homeschool - put them in public school”. 

But He didn’t say that either though it would have been enough ~ dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “Use the boy’s computer”.  it is old, slow and doesn’t have enough memory but it would have gotten us by and it would have been enough.

But He didn’t say that.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “it’s your monitor so buy another” but the monitor was under warranty and cost us nothing to repair and He didn’t make us buy anything.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “you can fix it on your own” but He brought on-line help that helped pinpoint the problem and so He sent help -- it would have been enough.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “your old computer is FIXED”

BUT not only did He help get the old one fixed, He sent my unbelieving earthly dad, who doesn’t think I should be homeschooling, walk in my front door with a brand new state of art computer, without being asked or prompted by me that we were having this trouble, when I hadn’t spoken to my father since Christmas!!!!!!!  Yes, a new computer that cost more than the last car we bought, that is more than we need or more than we wanted.  ONLY He can do that and it was WAAAAAY more than enough!  It was over and above enough.  It wasn’t even the answer I was praying for -- it didn’t occur to me that I even needed a new computer -- but it did to G-d (and now the boys have my fixed broken one and I have the brand new one).   

My prayers have been answered in a mightier way than I could have expected.  I only committed the problem to Him.  I only asked the L-rd if He wanted me to Homeschool and how or if He wanted me to do it and to show me how?  Does G-d love me?  You betcha baby but I don’t feel His love because I have a new computer but because He answers prayer -- EVERY prayer -- the good and bad -- He gives us exactly what we need, actually more than what we need and that is why I feel His love.  And yep this was a beyond imaginable answer to my prayer but if He had said, “Nope - no computer or internet for you”,

DAYENU - it would have been enough.

© Copyright 2008 Jacque Ward http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/wacque/