Posted in God Speaks

The car has been officially totaled.

It is tough when G-d has you take a look at your leavening.  You see, I didn't think that this accident was my fault nor did I even think I had any serious faults, not just with the car wreck but the condition of my school, my house, my children, my everything -- of course in G-d's loving grace He is showing me the truth of my sin.  It seems to be part of the process of Passover cleaning that fits the season so perfectly.  I believe the restitution will come with time not just in my home but also in my heart. 

I'm getting there and that was what G-d spoke to me at Good Friday services that, “I am forgiven”; so completely forgiven and so undeserving of His forgiveness but all the same He forgives.  To know that G-d loves me sooooo much that Yeshua died for my sins: the sins that I seem to keep repeating, that is what makes it so hard to forgive myself.  But my dh never thought I was to blame for any of it - the car, the kids the house, my Homeschool, so I am trying hard not to blame myself and to accept His forgiveness too; His TOTAL forgiveness. 

© Copyright 2008 Jacque Ward http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/wacque/

Posted in God Speaks

Dayenu is a song that is part of the Jewish celebration of Passover.  The Hebrew word means "it would have been enough for us" or "it would have sufficed."  The song is about being grateful to G-d for all of the gifts he gave the Jewish people, such as taking them out of slavery, giving them the Torah and Shabbat, and had G-d only given one of the gifts, it would have still been enough.

Now I have to come clean and tell you the rest of this computer story because was so much more to the story and how G-d’s blessings were involved.  

I really am not that literate on the computer, more so than anyone else in my household but I just don’t have time to keep up to speed on everything nor have I had time to learn and that is why I got the nasty Trojan.  I come to find out that I had 2 virus protection programs running at once which basically negates each other providing no protection.  I also discovered many other things about my computer that I didn’t know.  The entire “discovery” process was long, involved, a HUGE GIGANTIC ENORMOUS learning curve for me.  Each step of the way was almost painful in the amount of time and effort it took to learn from the beginning.  At times I was desperate, confused, frustrated and angry.  Not receiving my email each day was driving me to near insanity and relying on the generosity of free help was excruciatingly slow and sometimes incorrect so I would have to go back to square one.  I filled an entire spiral notebook with notes just so I could keep track of it all.  I had to learn patience, which gave me time to understand and find out for myself the answers to my questions.  At one point in the process, I had no computer access at all because my monitor was taken to the shop for 2 weeks so all my school plans blew out the door.  We were fast getting further and further behind in our studies and I was getting weary.  I took this break as “there had to be a reason G-d took this away”.  I was having trouble with the kids completing school because the lack of the internet and now without a computer it was difficult to complete anything.  The boys were frustrated but saw this as a hall pass and their motivation, discipline and general enthusiasm just disappeared as well as mine.  I felt His love and His encouragement in continuing on.  What choice did I have?  I was frustrated and questioning our reasons for homeschooling, their motivation, my motivation, our lack of funds to fix the computer and my over all worth.  Each step brought me closer to fixing the computer but it was so slow coming and I felt I was slipping down a wet, muddy path.  I did realize that one way or another the computer problem would be solved but at what cost?  How long could my kids go with mom at the helm of a monitor and not at the school table or the kitchen table for that matter?  I was spending hours, days on end trying to understand the pig-Latin of computer-speak and then trying to apply it to my seemingly unfixable computer.  The kids even stopped asking me to come eat and brought food to my desk; they were cooking, I was not.  I was sick of this and in over my head even resigning to the fact that we would have to live our lives without a computer because there was no way we could afford another and I obviously wasn’t fixing the one we had.  I wanted to give up.  We tried other avenues like using the library computer but nothing was working.  I just wanted life the way it was.  

When I had exhausted all my help, I gave in and cried out, “L-rd if you want me to homeschool then you know I can’t do this without a computer so I commit this You.  This is YOUR problem so please solve it or tell me what to do” (I was even considering putting the kids in school at this point).  Now that isn’t to say that I didn’t pray about this before this time, I had, about everything but this time I felt so demanding and “How dare I” talk to G-d like that but maybe that is all He wanted -- a commitment, a turning it over completely to Him, MY commitment, my committing this to Him and turning it over allowing WHATEVER His answer to be, to be the answer that I excepted -- WHATEVER that answer was.  

And this is so G-d!

It would have been enough had he said, “no, computer” you’ll have to save your money.  It would have been enough.

But He didn’t say that ~ dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “no computer - you can still school” or if He had said, “no computer, no Homeschool - put them in public school”. 

But He didn’t say that either though it would have been enough ~ dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “Use the boy’s computer”.  it is old, slow and doesn’t have enough memory but it would have gotten us by and it would have been enough.

But He didn’t say that.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “it’s your monitor so buy another” but the monitor was under warranty and cost us nothing to repair and He didn’t make us buy anything.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “you can fix it on your own” but He brought on-line help that helped pinpoint the problem and so He sent help -- it would have been enough.  Dayenu.

It would have been enough had He said, “your old computer is FIXED”

BUT not only did He help get the old one fixed, He sent my unbelieving earthly dad, who doesn’t think I should be homeschooling, walk in my front door with a brand new state of art computer, without being asked or prompted by me that we were having this trouble, when I hadn’t spoken to my father since Christmas!!!!!!!  Yes, a new computer that cost more than the last car we bought, that is more than we need or more than we wanted.  ONLY He can do that and it was WAAAAAY more than enough!  It was over and above enough.  It wasn’t even the answer I was praying for -- it didn’t occur to me that I even needed a new computer -- but it did to G-d (and now the boys have my fixed broken one and I have the brand new one).   

My prayers have been answered in a mightier way than I could have expected.  I only committed the problem to Him.  I only asked the L-rd if He wanted me to Homeschool and how or if He wanted me to do it and to show me how?  Does G-d love me?  You betcha baby but I don’t feel His love because I have a new computer but because He answers prayer -- EVERY prayer -- the good and bad -- He gives us exactly what we need, actually more than what we need and that is why I feel His love.  And yep this was a beyond imaginable answer to my prayer but if He had said, “Nope - no computer or internet for you”,

DAYENU - it would have been enough.

© Copyright 2008 Jacque Ward http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/wacque/

Posted in God Speaks

Posted in God Speaks

Well, 4 Kleenex boxes, 9 fresh lemons, 15 oz. lemon juice concentrate, 6 frozen cans of OJ, 64 oz of honey, 6 cans of chicken noodle soup, one pot homemade chicken soup, endless hours of sleep, one trip to the Thai restaurant for HOT spicy soup, and lots of cough drops later, I can say that we are finally on the mend LOL!!!!  I believe I came down with a week long flu that just about did me in.  I still sound like Hermit the Frog & I am complaining like Miss Piggy.  There really ought to be a law about mothers being sick at home with very healthy children at the same time -- boys no less who think taking care of poor sick mom is giving her a PB&J while turning the TV louder.  Although, they came down with it shortly after I did, so we all were a bunch of sickos, groaning and moaning together in wretched pity. 

And now, that I am feeling a tad better, as is usual with my life, everything has rear-ended each other and it is all happening at the same time -- and no, I didn't plan it that way.  If you want to complain check with the calendar executive in charge of 2008 because whoever it was did the same thing to us poor moms at easter with back-to-back scheduling of events!  Next week is our annual homeschool convention and I was planning to take the week I was sick to go over some of the new goals and plans for the next school year and really take a look at what I might need curriculum wise.  Now I know that homeschool convention isn't the ‘end all’ of the planning but fooyie!  that just isn't how I wanted things to go LOL  I guess that isn't how G-d wanted it to go either.

So now my house needs a major Clorox evacuation of germs and a through cleaning -- yeah right -- like it was just so neat and tidy before I got sick LOL.  Well, now it truly needs it! and it is perfect timing for getting ready to celebrate Passover.  Of course that got me to thinking... 

Our family is not Jewish, we are Christians who on some crazy turn of the street, much like the poor little Mouse Who Wanted a Cookie, lead us to celebrating Passover.  But each year that we have celebrated Passover we have come closer to understanding what G-d did for us and what He wants for us, so we continue.  I'm sure the first year G-d giggled at how we celebrated because we made so many mistakes and we did not do everything that was required.  This year is no exception because in years past we have not removed "every crumb of leavening" from the house.  We just celebrated Passover without that aspect.  Well, the condition of my house after this awful flu got me thinking about how this dirty house is making me so grumpy and irritated.  How this house could use a clutter-free zone and how I really need to let go of a few things and then the light bulb went off.  How many things in our lives are just like the leavening that G-d asks us to remove from our homes? How many things do we have or do that are either displeasing to G-d, or simply get between us and G-d because they keep us distracted or too busy to focus on Him?  My clutter is filling up the empty spaces in our lives, so that there is no room left to hear the voice of G-d.  Okay granted we have been sick but I could see past that and while I might not be able to remove all the leavening by Passover, I know that this is the lesson I was to learn for this Passover season that probably wouldn't have been learned had I not gotten sick. 

G-d is sooooo GOOD!!   

So, in the next two weeks I have the spring cleaning, school year planning, 4 days HS convention, 2 of my ds birthdays, soccer games & tournaments and end of the season parties, and Passover.  But I will also be considering if the things around me and the things I do, bring me closer to G-d or if they are just "leavening" I need to search out and get rid of?  My prayer is that you don't have to get sick to learn this lesson too.

Unleavened bread shall be eaten seven days. And no leavened bread shall be seen among you, nor shall leaven be seen among you in all your quarters.  Exodus 13:7 (NKJ)

Posted in God Speaks

I don’t know about you, but when I first began homeschooling I was involved in a lot.  Too much probably but I wanted to see what this whole homeschooling gig was about.  I wanted to see other homeschooling moms in action and I wanted to see if this was right for me plus I had no idea what I was doing so I jumped in feet first.  We went to Friday co-op, to playgroup, to Bible study, to 4H, to Cubbies, to science club, to art club, and, and, and…  It was too much and I burnt out quick.  It was all good but it was just “doing” and not choosing what G-d wanted even though everything we were doing was Christ centered. 

Well, G-d put a complete stop to all of that when he took away our second car thus taking away nearly all outside activities.  Our transmission went out and at the time G-d was just showing me how I needed to HOME school and not be so involved in so much and volunteering my life away.  During that time at home, my kids became the very best of friends and we really became the family that I think G-d wanted us to be.  We also learned how to put Papa first in all that we did which was an unforeseen blessing.  We enjoyed being home AND being with each other.  It was such a peaceful time.

As time went on, G-d blessed us with another car and we were able to start adding a few things here and there that seemed to be such blessings.  The kids started playing sports and we added a few things more that just seemed like the “right” things to add.  I never picked anything that conflicted too much with what G-d placed on my heart to study or with dh’s schedule and I tried to choose things that didn’t add too much more to my plate (and being always mindful of our finances). 

But as I started to once again look at our schedule and look at our family life I started to feel that tug that again something wasn’t quite right.  Well, that and the thought that maybe G-d took away our 2nd car AGAIN so that we would get back on track.  I had prayerful only put outside events that seemed to be right.  Toastmasters Orators speech club seemed okay.  It only met twice a month and it was so good for the kids to stand up in front of people and speak.  I didn’t even have to teach the class.  Oh and there was chess club.  That only plays once a month (but don’t forget, we practice once a week).  Well what about soccer?  The boys need their exercise and that is only twice a week (yes, but don’t forget the boys are on two different teams so that is two different practices, so essential four times a week and ALL day Saturday watching games).  Well then there is Royal Rangers.  That is daddy bonding time with a bunch of other boys once a week.  And don’t forget AWANA which is once a week and what about church.  Oh and I nearly forgot piano which is also once a week!!!

Well G-d pulled the plug on Toastmasters (the club changed meeting time to the same time as soccer so we had to let it go) and I was asking why?  Well, duh (I sometimes need a hammer to hit me over the head)?  Then I took a closer look and realized again we were doing TOO MUCH!  We weren’t in the position to relax and still aren’t.  We seem to always be saying we “HAVE to” instead of “I want to”.  We aren’t and weren’t getting any day of rest in the Lord ever.  We are plum tired and I wonder why my kids don’t seem to be at all interested in the school plans during the week. 

So after some prayers we have also dropped chess club.  We may have to drop piano just because financially it just is getting too much but I am praying for G-d to keep that.  After this season there will be no more soccer.  It is hard to drop this season because dh is the coach and that would be terriably mean.  Royal Rangers is still up in the air because it is good bonding time for dh and the boys with a whole mess of other boys, plus I get some of that testosterone out of my house. 

But AWANA!  I was poking around their site today for an unknown reason and I found a list of how many verses your child will learn as he completes each book.  I am amazed!  My two older are both T&Ter’s and they are both on track to finishing at least to Book 3 (if not to Book 4)!  In one year, they will have learned 433 verses just from attending AWANA!  And my little Sparky will have learned 166 verses plus all the books of the Bible which is a good pace for him!  So if I have to keep them doing only one thing, then I think that maybe that is the one thing they would be doing that pleases the Lord (beside the fact that I am learning most of these verses right along with them). 

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.  

Psalm 119:11 KJV

Posted in God Speaks

For the past several weeks, the kids have joined us (adults) in church, for the main service, rather than going to their perceptive children’s classrooms.  It all started with an AWANA assignment to attend a "teaching service" and now the kids are coming with us to our (adult) service every week.  I don’t mind because I have always dreamed of having my entire family sitting together in services, worshiping together and just plain being a family praising G-d… together.  We are blessed to have a pastor who is very gifted in teaching the word and my kids love listening to him, however, their attention span starts to waver so this is what we did today. 

To combat the wiggles and squirming in service, and for me to feel comfortable that they are listening and learning from a more adult service, we put together these Sermon Notebooks for my children to take notes in.  My youngest is still at a coloring book stage and often just goes to his kid’s service instead but the older two have really taken an interest in the adult service.  My middle son loves to draw so in his notebook I put an area that he can draw a small picture of what the service is about and a place to write a narration of what he learned with some questions for after the service.  For my older son, I wanted him to think a bit more about what he is hearing and learn to start taking notes.  I also want him to begin to start applying the teaching to his life so he has a few probing questions that he has to answer and discuss.  Both notebooks reflect a Cornell style of note taking:

Sermon Notes with picture area

Sermon Notes (5th grade and up) 

I let the boys decorate the fronts of them with stickers and a favorite verse.  They were super easy to make with a hole punch but you can just print off the pages and take them to Kinko’s just as easy.  I’m hoping this will keep them interested in the service and keep them coming for more.  Silly me!  I should have made one for me – (heavy sigh) one more thing to add to the “to do” list.   

Posted in God Speaks

My kiddos are still in homeschool!  Normally we would have from Thanksgiving until the New Year as our Christmas vacation.  We still do things during that time that are school related but it is more relaxed and things are supposed to be more fun.  We school year round taking another big block of time off in spring around Easter doing school in the heat of the summer inside under the air-conditioning.  HA!  Not this year!  I don’t know if it was all the summer yard work that has put my kids behind or if it is just their lack of discipline that we are still in school but we are still doing reading, writing and all the rest.  It stresses me out but it has led us on a different path this season that makes me think that G-d planned it that way.

This bunny trail all started with a God’s World News Issue that my son was reading.  We used these for studying current events (I say used because I’m not ordering them again in that he is woefully behind in reading these although we all enjoy them.  The subscription is too expensive for the magazine not to be used in a timely fashion).  The article was about how they are experimenting with pig bladder extract (?) for regenerating limbs and such.  I immediately thought that it didn't sound right so I Googled it and sure enough it is happening and they have even tried the stuff on salamanders and have grown extra legs -- or something like that -- don't quote me.  Here is an article for you to read for yourself.

Anyhow ds was telling his piano teacher about it and she says that the white fat in bacon is pig puss – because they don’t sweat (or some other disgusting thing UCK!!!) and she read that pig flesh is very similar to human flesh (even tastes similar - ewwww!!).  So of course I come home to Google that (which makes sense why they use pig valves with heart surgeries and such but I wanted facts -- just wish I could remember those facts so I can discuss it rather than only internalize it).  I end up on a site (there are a few) reading a V-E-R-Y biased and very disgusting article from Mr Kellogg (yep the cereal guy) from 1897 about the dangers of eating pork (don't ask me how I ended up there when I Googled "Pork Facts" LOL).  I know Mr. Kellogg had his own agenda but as far as I could tell everything he was saying about pigs was truth just written to convince others not to eat pork. 

Of course I told and read all this to dh who had a different perspective but felt that for health reasons, it might be a good idea for us to cut pork from our diet AFTER Christmas LOL (sidenote:  Christmas food in NM is laden with pork products so this will give our extended families yet another reason to think we are radical Jesus freaks which I guess we are but not how they think LOL).  Dh mentions this at his work to some guy who is going to seminary - what religion and how serious he is, is left to be seen, - but he brings up that Peter's vision cleaned up all the animals.  I don’t remember anything like that in the Bible so I start researching the facts in Bible for myself:   

1) G-d commands us not to eat pork: 

"The pig is also unclean; although it has a split hoof, it does not chew the cud. You are not to eat their meat or touch their carcasses." Deuteronomy 14:8

2)  Okay I was always taught that was Old Testament laws and that we live in the New Testament so we are free from the laws because of Jesus.  But when I actually searched out the truth for myself and read the entire chapter in Matthew 5, I don't see that Jesus is "getting rid" of the Laws in the OT but actually explaining them more succinctly.  This seemed like a new revelation to me.  G-d likes change but He is unchanging.  I don't see Him changing His mind about the OT commandments (of not eating pork) and every time He says DO NOT do something, I have discovered that there is a perfectly G-dly answer to why we should not do it (whether we are Jewish or not):  

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."  Matthew 5:17

3)  But what about that Peter vision?  I wasn't sure what vision we were talking about.  Where dh's work friend and most other people, seem to be basing their "it's okay to eat pork" is in Acts 10.  This is the story of Cornelius, a Gentile, and Peter, a Jew and how G-d hangs a sheet and shows the hungry Peter "unclean" animals to eat.  Okay, I must admit that this one took some digging in my memory banks & study notes as to the true meaning of it all but I remember that it really had nothing at all to do with what you can and cannot eat.  Rather it was about Peter's attitude towards unbelievers & Gentiles (being "unclean") and how Peter was supposed to be a light to the Gentile to lead them to Christ.  I see this not as Peter cleansing the animals but of G-d cleansing Peter of his prejudices.  The L-rd prepared Peter to be of service and to be a light to the Gentiles.  I believe that this entire chapter is about   G-d’s Grace and I really didn’t see that it allowed us to eat pork.   

Yes, I believe that "not eating pork" applies to the Jewish people and if I chose to eat pork that G-d isn't going to condemn me however, if eating it causes something like 30 different diseases in people and if G-d sees the Jewish as the apple of His eye, and if He has soooooo blessed my family when we have held and honored His Holy Jewish Festivals, then why would I not want to emulate and do the same and not eat pork?  

The more I thought about it and thought about when we eat pork and how we LIKE pork -- I realized that this would be a HUGE sacrifice for our pig loving family but one that I (& even more importantly that my dh) was willing to make to show that we wanted to obey G-d's laws.  The more I study my Bible I see that the NT explains the OT but one doesn't invalidate the other and that made me think of: 

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1

4)  Well, then I spoke to a friend who eats this way  & I hadn't even considered the other Kosher food laws (yet again another Google search LOL) and was overwhelmed by it all.  I prayed and G-d sent me to Romans 14 - pretty much the whole chapter told me that it was up to me to decide what to do but these are the verses that stuck out for me and why I can eat pork but why maybe I shouldn’t. 

“As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean.”  Romans 14:14   

“Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble.” Romans 14:20

“But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.”  Romans 14:23  

I have my doubts about eating pork (especially after that nasty article).  I feel confirmed because dh agreed to cut out pork (he doesn't usually usually jump on a bandwagon with me right away as in this case).  So for the time being I will "in faith" not be buying any more pork, I will use up what pork we have (although it is pretty tough to eat the stuff after everything I have read) and I will try to replace what pork we usually eat with substitutes and see how that goes.  Becoming completely pork free may not happen until after we spend the Christmas holidays with our pork loving families.  Going completely kosher may or may not happen in our family.  I'm still in prayer over it all.  I really don't want to get legalistic and I sometimes feel like the Jewish requirements are just too legalistic but maybe we as humans just need those sorts of rules so that we stay focused on Him.

And maybe that is the whole journey that G-d wanted me to see.  That yes, my kiddos are behind in school but they are also right where they need to be and I shouldn’t get legalistic with them in “fulfilling MY homeschool requirements” but to just show them the rules and keep them faithfully focused on Him.

Posted in God Speaks

This is about the cuuuutiest, and most precious rendition of the 23rd Psalm.  Shurely  this blesses you like it did me.

 (Just a reminder to turn off the music in the sidebar):