For a few years now, my friends have been telling me to go to this natural food/vitamin store and that i need to get on some good vites. well, im not a "take a pill " type person. Ive fought it like crazy. I also have no idea what type to get. Man, theres TONS of choices out there, how am i supposed to have a clue what to get? Plus, theres the fact that Im a serious, major cheapskate! i mean, it took me 2 months of wearing an old belt that cut into my back because I didnt want to spend the $8 to buy a new one! (yes, i finally bought one last week, i tell ya, its Heaven to wear a comfortable belt!! One of those luxuries you dont think about until you need it i guess, lol) Anyways, those places and those things are expensive!! Then, theres the fact that I cant swallow pills. Im telling ya, my husband laughs at me something horrible, its not a pretty site when i try to take a pill. And what do you think of when you think of vitamins? HORSE PILLS!!!
Well, I was sick the other day and at my friends house. We do a science co op together (which im soooo glad we do, and shes sooo wonderful at it and has helped me soooo much!!!) So anyways, she gave me a few vitamins to take to see if they helped me feel better, and they did! I mean, I wasnt jumping up and down right after i took them, but i could tell it definately helped me.
So, I thought about going to this store this morning, but still fought it. I still dont know what to get. I knew that asking someone would make me end up bawling. Thats one thing thats wrong with me, i cry, all the time, for no reason at all. i HATE to let people see me cry. i dont think anyone saw me cry until i was about 24 or 25 years old, I mean i HATE to let them see me cry. My life, Ive always been the strong one. I stood strong and helped others get past the hurts and hardships of life. How could I let them see me break down? Anyways, so I couldnt get because i couldnt keep myself composed enough to even ask what to get. Plus, I have my kids with me, and i really didnt want them to see me bawling asking what to take. Or for them to hear my symptoms. really dont want my kids knowing that my brain is completely fogged and i have no memory anymore and that I cry like a baby all the time.
Today, I couldnt take it any longer. Ive cried all day, for absolutely no reason at all, ive been bawling. Now, i dont mean a few tears, I mean sobbing, like when my brother died, like when Id go hide in my room when I was younger and sob because i missed my mom. Ive felt completely dead all day and just uncontrollable sobbing and just... ugh.. .ridiculous! I cannot live this way anymore.
We went to our church, as we do often, to do school. I couldnt even focus then. My friend came up, as she often does, I didnt even know what to say to her. I just sat there, like a zombie. My brain does not work anymore, unless its to shed tears. This is not me. I cannot live this way. I do not know what is going on, but this HAS to stop and it has to stop NOW!!
So, I gave in. With the help (even though they didnt even know it) of all my friends, I could hear them in the back of my mind telling me "GO!! NOW!!" I went. Kids in tow and all, I went. I walked in the store and wanted to turn around and run out. I knew what this would mean. I knew that I would have to tell this woman that something was wrong with me, and that the tears would flow. I knew that my kids would be looking at me, wondering whats wrong. I knew that my daughter would be starring at me asking if im ok. All of that happened, but i stayed! I couldnt get out much more than my minmd was cloudy and that im very weepy, and of course a few sarcastic "of course's" But she gave me her opinion on what to do. She gave me a bottle of vitamins to take. THREE A DAY!!!! AND THEIR HUGE!!!! AND THEY COST $20!!!! But im gonna do it. I bought them. Im going to try them. The lady said to give them a couple of months and see what they do. So I will. God help me to take these huge things, but I will.
I think that these problems that Im having have to do with medical, lifestyle, and Spiritual, but we'll see what this does for the medical. Im beggin God to help me with the Spiritual. So maybe, after this 5 year period of feeling liek I need to be in the insane assylum, maybe Ill finally get out of here and just live again.
Oh how beautiful this sounds!! I cant wait to breathe again!!!
And I can not end this with out a HUGE thank you to my precious friends. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for your advise. And, even though you didnt know it, thank you for walking that store with me today!! You know who you are! and I love you dearly! And in handing out that thank you's, of course, thank you Jesus for not giving up on me and not giving me what i deserve!! I am nothing with out You.
Now, as usual, i cant hardly see the screen because of all these STUPID tears!! |
