I have been reading a book with my kids about George Muller. This man was amazing!! This book has gotten me interested in reading!! (i hate reading!!) i cant wait to get to the next chapter! Cant wait to see what happens next!! Its so exciting!!

But, the reason its so exciting is because its very convicting to me. Ive never wanted to "be a missionary" or anything like that. I mean, i lvoe hearing missionary stories and pray for them when i no how to pray, but never had any desire to do any type of mission work. But as Im reading this story, quite honestly, im ready to give up all that I have and start a house for girls whove decided to not have an abortion and help them out during the pregnancy.

Now, dont get me wrong (and as my husbands reading this, his heart is probly thumping in terror right now, sorry lol) im not saying im going to go give away everything i have. but ive never in my life thought of that as a "good idea" crazy, actually was my thoughts, lol. For the first time, while reading this book, I get it. I get that he was trusting in God and God got to show just how powerful He is! God got to show so much to the people in Bristol England, and now all over the world almost 200 years later, how awesome He is!!

While im sitting here in debt, trying to figure out what job im going to do to earn some money, and how ill do it while homeschooling 6 kids and how to make it all work to pay the bills off. Alli need to do is trust in God. He'll never leave me. Hes got me covered. financially. spiritually. physically. mentally. in every way, Hes got me covered!! What more can i ask for!!

I hope that one day, God allows me to have a "mission" of hleping post abortive women again. I pray that I will get to talk to more scared pregnant women and talk them out of having an abortion by telling them what my precious Joshua went thru. But until then, I will realize that God has me on a mission right now!! My mission field is right here in my own house. and its high time i start living it!!

Ill leave you with this thought, as a pastor friend of mine says when asked how hes doing. His reply is always  "better than i deserve"!!! yep. i know what i deserve. and ive got so much more!

If you read the comments in my last post, then youj know as I was typing then entry about my abortion, my husband was thinking of a name for our minitsry that were wanting to start. I agree that it is a wonderful name. So now we have it

"Joshua's Voice"

Joshua is what i named my baby, as I was dealing with my abortion. After realizing that he was a real person and deserved that respect of a name! 

So now you have it. We have a name. I have also started a blgo just for the ministry. Im not exactly happy with the look of it right now, but I just started it last night. My house was crazy so i couldnt consentrate. so ill have to work on it more later. but its up at least. My husband and I will both be posting things regarding this issue. the blgo can be foud here http://speakingforjoshua.blogspot.com/

Prayer for this would be much appreciated. We havent made all plans or anythign like that. But we know that we want in this fight and that we have to fight this fight. Whereever God leads, I will go. I am so excited about this, I feel like a little kid, jumping and yelling "here I am Lord!! Use me!! please!! Use me!!"

There is a part of my life that I sometimes dont think about too often. A very important part of my life, that actually plays a big role in God calling me to Himself and saving me. It was also one of the very first things that ever happened to me that showed me His awesome power , grace, and forgiveness. After learning all of this, and going thru this horror, I used it and more importantly, God used me, to talk to others and help them thru this. It was beyond awesome nad I love it so much! But soem things happened and that part of my life had to stop for a time. Im ready to bring it back into my life. Im ready to use it again. Im ready to help others see Gods awesome power , grace, and forgiveness!!!! So I guess the start is this. I will share my testimony here. Where ever else God leads me from here, I will go. My prayer, actuallty is that God leads my whole family into ministry here with this. So if your reading this, and it hurts, if its hard to read on, please continue to read. The hurt is God drawing it out of you. It hurts for a season, but if you allow Him to draw it out of you, honestly, the hurt stops!! He replaces it with a peace that can only come from Him. Please bear with me because it will take me a few paragraphs to set up the complete story. On with the story...

I moved in with my boyfriend right out of high school (even graduated a year early just so I coudl do it) I thougt for sure that we would be together forever. That lasted almost 3 years, and then I left. After leaving him (because hes not really part of the story, but is a reason to why i kinda went a little wild and crazy for a while) i believed all the hype that i had gotten married too young and needed to "be young" nad sow my wild oats. So I went for it. I lived a crazy crazy lifestyle for a few years. Only by Gods grace did I survive! Because the things I did, I should be dead right now. But God had a bigger purpose, so by His grace, I survived.

Eventually, I let another man move in with me. It wasnt long before I found out I was pregnant. Ahhh!!! What was I gonna do now? Abortion was mentioned as an option, but I never accepted that. i said no way, I wont do it. I was kinda happy to be pregnant even though i had no clue what i was about to face. My "boyfriend" (other wise known as the sperm donor, because we cant think of anything better to say) was black and I am white. Some members of my family were, at the time, a bit prejudiced. I had to face these people, who i loved and i turned out to be a big disappoint me to them for a while. And, of course, thsi man didnt stick around long. He left me, went back to his wife, took my car, tried to get me thrown in jail (false charges and the police knew it it was realllllly stupid!!) I lived in a different town that where i worked. So here I was pregnant, with no car and no way to work. To make a really long story a little shorter, I went into pre term labor, had to quit work and move in with my aunt, an hour away. I went thru a lot of hard times, but made it thru, soemhow (that somehow was God but I didnt know it then).

I had my baby and then moved 2 hours away, into my moms house. So here i was 24, a new mom, and a complete failure in life and living with my mother again. I couldnt stand it. I had to make something out of myself, for me and my son. I got a job and  my son and i got our own apartment.

I believed the lie that no man would ever want me again. So of course, the first one that showed any interest at all, I took. WRONG ANSWER!!! I ended up pregnant again. My son wasnt even a year old! Here I was, had already disappointed everyone in my life, and now pregnant again. I had no intention of staying withthis man. I was afraid of him. I didnt like him, and I didnt want to be tied to him for the rest of my life. Fear of facing everyone in my life and dealing with this man forever took ahold of me.

Suddenly, after living my whole life saying abortion wasnt an option for me (i had always said that it wasnt wrong but that i wouldnt do it myself) I quickly considered it. It was so easy! i told me boss, and she lied to me, told me how to get out of work without anyone knowing. My mom was going to take me. My insurance paid for it. Id be in and out and itd be over with, never to think of it for the rest of my life!!

WRONG!!! DEAD WRONG!!

The dr. never told me what would happen. Io wasnt newly pregnant. I was 17 weeks by the time i had the abortion. I wont go into all the details because it will be too painful for anyone reading this and going thru the same memories. However, if youd like to know them, I will share, just comment me and ill email it to you. But I will tell you that I had to go into the hospital. I had to lay on a hopsialt bed for hours IN LABOR!!! I remember looking at my mom in horror telling her that I was so far into labor i was going to have to deliver this baby and then i wouldnt be able to handle that! (notice allt he "i"and "me's" in this! i was so seflish!!) I didnt deliver him, the nurse finally came and got me and the dr put me to sleep and when i woke up it was all over. still having no clue what had happened to me or my baby. having no clue that my life had just changed forever. Having no clue of the regret and guilt I would face for the rest of my life. This was October 9th.

On October 19, my grandmother, whom I adored, who raised me, who I called my mom for so long, died. She was the best Christian witness in my life. Such a strong loving Christian woman. I loved her so much. MY world was once again rocked. I had never experienced the death of someone close to me. Man that hurt so bad!  I tried to go on, even though every day hurt so bad and I couldnt understand why. Wasnt this abortion supposed to make everything better??

There was a guy at work (yeah until this point, i shouldve learned to just stay away from men!) but t his one was differend. He kept talking to me about God. I was raised in church, I knew about God, but somehoe, I listened different this time. Everyone made fun of him because he would walk around singing hymns and talk about Jesus. but I would stand up for him. I liked what he was saying. One night, December 19th, he invited me to go to a Christmas play that he was going to be in. I thougt he was asking me out. I said "Sure!" We got there, (it was an huor away) and I realized that he was in the play, not sitting with me (yeah, Im not the sharpest knife in the drawer!!!) So there I sat, all alone, in this HUGE church knowing no one except my friend who was in the play. Again, all alone :( I cant tell you waht the play was about, I dont rememebr much of it, because that night, allt hru that play, I started having conversations with my very best friend. Jesus talked to me all thru that play. The guilt, the conviction, the truth faced me that night like it never had before. I actually forgot that I was sitting in this huge church, because at this point, it was all about me and God!

He asked me, "are you going to give me your life?"
"yes, Lord, please! Take it!! I give you ALL!!"
He saved me that night! He took this pitiful life and made me whole. He cleaned the uncleanable. He said "Go and sin no more!"

A really awesome thing, is that Jason (this guy who witnessed to me and took me to the play) he lived an hour away, in another city about the size of where we worked, and couldnt find a job there any where. He worked there for over a year until he could find a job in his hometown. A week after I was saved, he was transferred to his hometown! I do believe he was there to witness to me! No, by the way, he wasnt flirting, we never got together, never tried, it wasnt about that! It was about God! Much better!!!

Theres so much more, but Ive writtena  book. but I cannot stop here.

I did join a church, the church my mom had been telling me for about 10 years that I ought to try and visit. I was baptized and started attending regularly. One night I went to what I thought was a Singles Bible study. It was, instead a birthday party for one of the single men. This man, i  now call my husband. our first date was the night before my sons first birthday party (in January) We wre married the following June. One of the dates that we went on, was going to a Kathy Troccoli concert with another couple. She sang this song about abortion. In the lobby, before the concert, I saw a shurt that had those words on it. I dreaded the whole concert, knowing she was going to sing this song. I coudlnt handle it. I was bawling like a baby. Felt like the whole was looking at me, knowing what I had done. The guilt! Tha pain! I couldnt handle it. Way too much to bear!

Our aweosme God took this song, and told me "its time to deal with this! I wont let it just be buried!" I dotn remember how long it took,  but evetually, I was lead to our local CPC (Crisis Pregnancy Center) I wanted to help others deal with this. They told me about this group called HEART (Healing the Effects of Abortion Related trama). Of course, I couldnt start leading it until I had went thru it myself. So I went thru the group. Oh my! I thougth I had dealt with it. But this group really helped me pull stuff out that I didnt even realize. I would get mad at what the rest of the world thought was something else, and it was , to me, about the abortion. But I can truely say that God took that all away from me. Using the things I had learned from HEART I was actually able to live thru this! There was hope! I also learned that my baby is in heaven, and Ill get to meet him someday!!! A little extra gift from God! hes still my son! I jstu dont get to raise him. But his life still had a purpose. God used me (ME!! a complete failure and a dissappointment to the entire wolrd!! He used ME!!!) to tell others by using my story! What an honor! I got to go around and speak to churchs about this horror. I got to show other women whove went this this that there is life and forgiveness afterwards! I even got to talk to a few women who were considering abortion and show them that there are other options!

But where my heart is, is to show other women that there is hope! There is healing! That God has a much better life for us and that this IS NOT the unpardonable sin!! That Jesus died on the cross for even this!

You know what I just realized, even more if not before. I havent been in this "fight" for a while. Ive let life get in the way. I dont want to stop. I want back in the fight! I want God to use me in this awesome message for His lost sheep! My prayer is that God is not done with me yet. That He will use me more and let me use my precious baby, Joshua, and his life and his story to help others struggling with this horror!!

Statistics show that at least one person in every family has dealt with this. If your reading this and are, or know soemone who is struggling with this, please know that theres hope! theres healing! please contact me! Id love to talk more. Id love to show you what God has said about this!

And if you are, or know someone who is dealing with the possibilty of having an abortion, know that God loves you and this precious child. Know that you are a parent now no matter what you choose. No condemnation w ill come from my lips (or hands as i type) but know that  Jesus loves you and has a plan. please contact me and I will help you go thru this.

God is awesome! his healing is amazing! We often spend too much time forgetting this fact!

Ok, so I get all these new ides to do for school thsi week and what happens? I GET THE FLU!!! yesterday, i was down on the couch all day. had no energy to move, except, of course to run to the bathroom, ill spare yal those details :) **ugh** anyways, I didnt want to just let the kids take the whole day off but I coudlnt do much either, so, heres what we did...

If you read the previous post, you know that were studying stories and story telling. So we watched a movie, Pirates of the Caribbean 3. A movie that Id been wanting to watch again anyways. I had them get their notebooks out and write down the things that could happen and the things that were fiction. we talked, for the younger ones, about what fiction was. But instead of just watching the movie, they were watching it for referance and study. Man i love homeschool!!! lol. Now, after the movie, i got worse,  so we didnt get a lot of discussion about it yesterday, but we'll do that today.

Then, last night, i was flipping thru channels, and the history channel had a really good story on John Wilkes Booth so we watched that. We got histroy and language in yesterday, im gonna hafta be happy with that.

So today, Im about half. im feeling ok... until i get up. A few of the kids are not feeling well, too so i think were all fighting it off :( so were probly gonna do a lot of just resting today.

Ona  completely different note, send out a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my hubby, who turned 44 today. There will probly be another post on that either later on today or tomorrow, poor guy shares his birthday with Roe v. Wade so he struggles with that. but for now, lets just focus on it being HIS BIRTHDAY!! so...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARY!!!!!!!

(feel free to send him a happy birthday at his blog www.homeschoolblogger.com/stephshubby and try and talk him into posting there a little more often lol)

I so badly want my kids to enjoy reading and writing. Ive never enjoyed reading (and really wish i did!!) but I have always loved writing! My dad and brother were writers in their occupations. I like to think that i got "the bug" from them, although its been years since I actually wrote anything. Actually, I think the last thing I wrote was a comparrison of abortion and 9/11. I actually do miss it.  I want to start back up at this! But anyways, back to my kids.

For this week, we are scrapping the lesson plans. Ive got some things that Id like to do that are more than just the workbooks. This is where id like to be with all school, but havent figured that one out yet. But what Id like to do is get them excited about reading and writing. I am going to read some stories to them and try to get them started on some ideas of writing some of their own. We'll talk about ways of writing and parts of speech and complete sentences for the younger ones and such. We will also be doing more journaling.

But something that I thought was a really fun idea was this. I took a piece of paper and drew lines on it to make 12 boxes. i made a copy for each child. I had them each write words in each square. Then, we cut out each square and folded them and put them in a bowl. Mixed up, I had each child grab randomly grab some of the words.  Then they made silly sentences. We then discussed how theres reasons and ways to amke sentneces. so we discussed the parts of speech. Then, we put each word in stacks of what part of speech it was in. We could then take a word from each stack and make a more sensefull sentence. I think the kids all had fun.

We had to stop because it was right before noon and I wanted the kids to watch the Innaugeration. Ive never seen one in my lief, so i thought we should watch it. Im glad we did. There were a lot of questions, it was a good chance to answer them. The  journal for today, will be, of course, what were your thoughts/what'd you learn by watching it. We also had the chance to pray for our new president and our country. What a lesson in respect. During the election, we were not Obama supporters. Not neccisarily McCain supporters either. I actually didnt really like either of them, but that no longer matters. I got the chance to teach my kids that God puts people in power and He has put President Obama in the position of president of the United States.Wether we agree of not,  we need to have respect for him and pray for him. so we did just that. It was a good teaching moment.

Ive gone off my topic, sorry. I am looking forward to doing more writing and reading stuff this week. Most importantly, I have felt God in this house and in our hearts today, which im praising God for! I know that whatever we do, as long as God is here, were gonna be ok.

I had so many ideas of things i wanted to write on this post, but their all gone for now. sorry. maybe thats why im not writing much these days, lol. But I have a precious 4 year old thats waiting for me to play barbie dolls with her, so I must go. I never had anyone to play that with me. what an honor to get to do that for my precious baby girl!!!

Have an awesome day!!

I need a fresh start. Completely revived!

As a Christian.
As a wife.
As a mother.
As a homeschool mom.
As a Sunday School teacher.
As an AWANA leader.
As a friend.
As a neighbor.
As a daughter.

These are all areas that I have failed in, daily, recently. It's like my mind has hit overload and completely shut down, but, Ive never known how to re start it. I know theres a way. Unlinke the sweeper I had to throw out last week because the motor shut down, I cant just throw my life out. I cant throw out my responisiblities. Im honored to have been given the things thats God has given me. But Ive not been taking the right care of these things.

So, my question is, how do you re start? In the computer world, this might be called a complete over ride? Wipe the slate clean, completely clean. A vaction is obviously not possible, nor do I think that that's the answer. i cant quit any of these areas. So how do I continue, but take the needed time to re fresh myself?

Id love to hear some ideas  Please feel free to leave some comments with any ideas you might have for me.

I have been writing this list in my head for about 3 weeks now and just havent had a chance to get on the computer and type them out. I probly forget half of them now, lol. But here goes....

Im not making a "yearly goal" or ya know, like those resolutions, i always fail at those. But just a list of goals, where Id like to be. I guess im not even goignt o put a time limit on it, because then Ill just focus on wether ive failed yet or not. But, i think its obvious, im not happy with where Im at right now. So,. Im giving myself a list of goals, Things to strive for. Things Id like to see different in my life. in no perticular order, with the exception of number 1, which nothing else would not matter if not for this one!

1. To have a closer, deeper walk my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I would be nothing with out Him, yet I continue to walk away from Him and try to live my own life.
2. To love my husband and be an example of the Proverbs 31 woman.
3. To love my children and be more patient and loving with them. I see how quickly theyve grown, Ive miss so many precious years with them. mesed up by being too worried about how picked up the house is, and looking at my own failures, getting stressed about homeschooling, that Ive forgotten to just have fun with them as well.
4. To spend my days serving God and raising my family to love and serve Him so that when people look at my family, they dont see us, but see Him.
5. To learn. This may seem stupid, especially for a homeschool mom, but this is such a struggle for me. There is so much that I dont understnad. I really do shutter at the thought of reading. i want to be studious! Id love to go back to school and really use my brain. Oh how I wish id known all this when i was in school and had the chance!! I want to enjoy reading. I want to learn new things. I want to use my brain!! Its tough to teach my kids this when i dont understand it myself!!
6. To be more healthy. Yes, this includes dropping 20 pounds and toning up, but more importantly, getting and living healthy!!
7. To some how, learn how to accept and handle the fact that my brother is gone and is not coming back and that Ill never be able totell him the things that Id like to.
8. to take the tings that I shouldve learned from my brothers death and use them. Like telling others the reality of Jesus and His salvation and that we need Him, and we need Him NOW! To never get upset at some one when they dont understand, and to NEVER take anything for granted and to tell everyone how I feel .
9. To be a light for God. (did I say that one already? oh well, if I did, its an important one anyways)
10. To Find myself. Id really like to know who I am. I know, Im a wife, a homeschool mom, a daughter, a teacher, but whos Steph? I swear Ive completely lost it and have no idea who I am. Who should I be? Does it even matter?
11. To stop crying and get over it and be happy. Im so sick of crying! I spent the first 24 years of my life not letting anyone see my cry, Now, I cant even go 5 hours with bawling like a baby! I HATE THIS!!!
12. To stop worrying about what other people think of me and just be fun.

I could problaby add so much to this, but Im stoppin there. Anyone is welcome to send me coments nad hold me accoutnable to this. Id love to have an accountabiility partner for things!! I sure need it!!

I see certain flaws in myself. (bear with me, im going a different route than it may seem)

Im not pretty. I was at some point in my life. I did some modeling and I really enjoyed it. but I dunno, soemthing happened ebtween the 8 pregnancies (especially giving me a huge nose!!) and Im just not good to loko at anymore.

In appaerance, im not very feminine. (did i spell that right?) I think my face is like a boys. in fact, i cant stand to look in the mirror because i see my brother more than i see myself.

My hair, oh my, my hair. ive always had bad hair. frizzy. doesnt look brushed after about a half hour.

As I mentioned, i have a big nose :( The twins did that one too me, lol.

Im a little over weight. not too awful much, but enough that i saw an old friend of mine nad her husband didnt recognize me, he said "steph, that used to be " and made a motion like i used to be skinny and now im not.

Roseasca.

those are all outside, heres a little proof, a picture. granted, the only one i could find isnt really the best picture of me, but tis a picture of me all the same.

and another...

ive made a lot of mistakes in my life. A lot of bad choices

I tend to struggle with trying to be the "tough guy" and do it all myself, even though i know thats no where near being Biblical.

 I could list a whole lot more things that i see wrong in myself. but thats really not the point. The point is this. All things mentioned are things that God has given me. He has blessed me so much in my life. and i tend to focus on the struggles. I need to stop that!! and i need to stop it NOW!! i dont think ill ever be able to look at myself and think that im pretty. but i know that im fearfully and wonderfully made and need to accept that and praise God for it. Im made in His image. I should be praising Him for that!

Ive never liked myself. Only by Gods grace will i ever like myself. but its time to start trying. Anyone got any ideas on how to overcome this?

Just when I think Im doing good, I start struggling again. For no reason at all. This thing called life is really just hard. When I was younger, things were not good. I tried to look at the good in things, but would get "depressed" (I use " " because i know that that word can be over used). Where just out of the blue, for no apparent reason at all, my heart would sink to my gut and I coudlnt pull it back out. I never understood it. Nothing I could do about it. I just tried to stay away from people and try not to make everyone else misreable (which is ultimatly what happened anyways, making me feel like an even bigger loser ) Anyways, I struggled with this all during my childhood and brought it into adulthood wiht me. But then, soemthing amazing happened!!

After I had my first child, and then having an abortion, I started an amazing relationship. One that would change my life forever. This wasnt with a man, it was with God!! In December of 1997, I was saved. Those feelings of depression, feeling like everyone hated me, they changed. Not that i became perfect and didnt struggle, but I dont remember struggling with that anymore. What an awesome feeling!

But, almost 2 years ago, I had a surgery. Ever since that surgery (or maybe it started when my brother died), guess what, yeah, theyre back. It just hits all the sudden. no reason, just hits. I cant explain it. I cant fight it. Im helpless. I dont like that feeling!! I feel like Im sitting in a pit. And not only does no body care, but everyone I know is walking past looking into the pit and saying "oh well" Now, dont get me wrong, I have people who love me and would never do that, but thats what gets in my head. I have this overwhelming feeling that no one cares. and that i am getting on their nerves and need to just leave them be. I start thinking that my husband wants nothing to do with me. That my kids would be much better off without me. That my pastor hates me. That im annoying my best friend. Pretty much that the world would be a much better place if i just disappeared. I know these are all wrong. I think my pastor likes me ok. I dont think im annoying my best friend. My kids would bne devastated if I wasnt here. I just cant fight these feelings. (ok, whose singing the REO Speedwagon song now? lol) I just dont have the strength anymore.

Last night was just such a night. We went to my kids Christmas play at church.  I was completely happy leaving our church. My family watched a cute movie together when we got home. Then my kids went to bed and I wrapped their presents. Not long after I started wrapping them, it hit. Maybe its the alone thing. I was in the dining room alone warpping presents. trying to think of Jesus and how speical this season is and why. but this feeling overwhelmed me. All of the sudden, i ddint even care about the presents. Didnt care about the joy that I usually have goign thru all the gifts Ive gotten my kids and wrapping them. I love looking at them all and going "oh look at this, shes going to love this" or "i cant wait to see his face when he opens this"  All I could think about was soemthing I had said that my pastor gave a funny look to, like he had maybe mis understood me and if that had been misunderstood then i would look really bad and why would anyone like anyone who would say that. And then my best friend, for some other reasons, maybe i was getting on her nerves. maybe she didnt like me anymore. And maybe i did this wrong, and maybe this, and this and this... *ugh* i want to scream! I feel like theres something on my chest and seriously cant breathe. I went to bed. Hoping it would go away... Nope, woke up this morning with the same alone feeling.

I dont know if this is something medical or spiritual. I know its wrong. But its uncontrollable for me. I have to think some of it is lifestyle. The kids and I, we have to get out and be more social. Not that we dont get socialization, I need people. I need lots of interaction with people. adult people. I feel like im always the babysitter. Im not complaining. I love kids and love helping people with thier kids. but i need interaction, too. I dunno. Some of it is also just me and I need to stop. Maybe Im just a big ole baby and need to just get over it.

This is so frustrating. I just want to live my life, raise my kids and be a witness for my awesome God. Show others Him. I want to serve God and for others to see Him in me. I want my head to stop spinning and to just live and do things right. Right now, I feel like I cant even breathe because things are so much. My family will say because I've got to much on my plate. But Im not the first person to raise 6 kids and homeschool them and serve at church at the same time. there are otehrs who have much more on their plate than I do and they can handle it. Why can't I? Its like theres a missing piece thats spinning right outside the room and I just cant reach it.

I guess I need to stop whining now. It seems Ive written a book. Im not even sure anyone even reads this.

just not much cuter than this :)

My little princess lol

I went to my husband's work Christmas party last night. I love parties. I love talking to people and meeting new people. I just love being around people! However, I always feel kinda in the back of the crowd these days. I dont get to get out a lot. I have nothing in common with the outside world, it seems. But last night, i had a good time. I sat and talked to a new friend about homeschool most of the night. cant go wrong there, right? now theres an area im comfortable talking about! But then, some more people came in on the conversation, and, in meeting these people, my new friend asked a man "and what do you enjoy doing". Fear was all over me. What if she asked me that? What do I enjoy doing? If the question is what do you do with your time, well that one i can answer, but what do i enjoy doing? I dont know. Its been so long since i actually had time to do anything for myself. It really got me thinking. what do i like to do? well, i love serving my church and my God. I love doing things with my whoel family, especially when everyones just trying to have fun, not pick on each other and be fussy. i love playing games. i love going shopping, which i dont have the money to back up that perticular interest! lol. i lvoe getting back or foot massages :)

But anyways, I guess when that question was asked, i just got to thinking about things. When did i start taking the fun out of life and making it such a job? life with 6 kids is very hard. their all so different and their needs are so different. homeschooling is hard. having a lot of responsiblities is hard. But just because its hard, that doesnt mean that life has to be so hard! i lived a very hard life growing up, but tried very hard to make it fun. When and why did that stop? and more importantly, how do i get it back? i want it back! Im teaching my kids about responisiblities and working hard, but funs gotta be in there too. Jesus had fun!!

Ugh, funny thing is, this isnt at all where i was going with this post, btu i guess this is the way its supposed to be, so im leaving itt his way! i had so many other things in my mind about this, but i think we'll leve it at that and leave the other stuff in the dust. i think ill go bake cookies with my kiddos now :) have a great day y'all!!

well, right now, I am completely overwhelmed with God's awesome goodness! I pulled a not so smart move last year. At the end of the season, I bag up my kids clothes, put the ones that can be re used in the basement, give the rest away. Well, at the beginning of this cold season, i went to pull out clothes, and guess what? I cant find my oldest sons clothes. all i can figure is that i gave them away last year! ahh!! then my daughter tells me that she has basically outgrown all of her clothes. which, she had. so now im broke and my kids have no clothes! i didnt freak out, i knew God would take care of me, but had no idea how. That was answered tonight! My sister and brother in law called. The company that he works for was having this thing called "clothe a child for Christmas" where they take the kids to walmart and let the kids pick out $100 each of clothes, shoes, coats and hats! They wanted to know if wed be offended if the kids could do that!! So, of course, i was definitely NOT offended and we went tonight. Each one of my kids got to pick out $100 worth of clothes. We filled up 2 shopping carts!! Each of my kids got a new pair of shoes, lots of shirts, a few pairs of pants, pj's undies and socks. my daughter got a beautiful dress and dress shoes, (on top of the new tennis shoes!!) my son got a new coat that fits better than the one he had and is warmer. And I got the chance to tell them how God gives us far more than we can ever hope or dream for. Thank you to the company that he works for! Thank you to Jackie and Mike! Thank you God! Im definitely overwhlemed with His awesome goodness!! Im also now remembering a few months ago, when i was really struggling and watching "Facing the Giants" and at the end, when the coach had said he was overwhelmed with Gods goodness and i prayed that God would let me be overwhlemed. Hes answered that prayer tonight!

I also foudn out tonight that my job will be ending soon. Im not stressing, Im really just fine with that. My family needs me more at home anyways. I have complete faith that God will take care of us and Im not gonna worry. Many needs, but a much bigger God!!

I just read soemthing on a link from thehomesschoollounge and WOW!!! this is awesome! I have put a link to it on the side of my blog. I was looking for some ideas on things to do for our school, and this man is an awesome write! the link on my blog says "Escape the homeschool matrix" you need to read this!! I think i may just have to read this daily! lol.