We men at Ward’s Sward concoct complex ways of doing the mundane.  Take, for instance, the simple chore of counting pop cans and bottles.  Now, we don’t drink a lot of “Belch Juice”, but we receive cans and bottles from 3 or 4 different sources.  After collecting 2 garbage bags full in our basement, we normally take them into the yard, dump them out, line them up in rows 5 deep, and count them using “skip count”.  Then we re-bag the cans and rush them to the local redemption center claiming the cash, which in Iowa amounts to 5 cents a can or bottle.

Winter and spring weather prevented us, in recent weeks, of carrying out the can count. Snow blanketed the ground, or rain and snowmelt saturated the soil making the task less desirable. Who wants to soak their knees in rich Iowa black soil, only to track the mud into the house? Children don’t mind, but that creates a bigger job for the one(s) doing the cleaning. 

A dilemma fizzes over as a result.  With seven garbage bags piling up, basement real state increases in value: a simple case of supply and demand.  The prospect of orderly counting with ease seems increasingly insurmountable.  But wait! With a little ingenuity and planning, we can make the mundane worth the while.

Getting the sawhorses out, we elevate the dusty treadmill above the floor and create an assembly line that would make Henry Ford beam with approval.  The exercise equipment transforms into a conveyor belt with variable speed. Redemption Specialist #1 (10-year-old son) comfortably seats himself at the head of the treadmill. After all, ergonomics plays a big part in assembly lines anymore.  Redemption Specialist #2  (7-year-old son) sets up shop alongside the treadmill, positioning himself closer to the finished product.  As the cans fall into the basket at the end of the conveyor belt, the Master Counter tallies the score and bags the result.  RS#2 and Dad periodically crank up the speed to get better throughput. RS#1 and RS#2 conduct physics experiments with backwards spinning of the cans, slowing the process momentarily. (Ahem!) Getting caught up into the speed of the operation, RS#2 occasionally throws cans straight into the end receptacle, an example of “Factory Direct”.  Dad reminds him to follow the assembly line protocol, so as to not confuse the Master Counter, who under pressure for accuracy counts only 1 at a time.  Eventually replacing the basket by holding a garbage bag, Dad combines the process of counting and bagging, saving on “downtime”.

After tallying the cans, the plastic bottles found their way through the assembly line.  All told, the cans came in at 434, and the bottles at 251, for a grand total of 685 pieces. That should render $34.25, less electricity for operations, and gas for transporting to the Redemption Center.  Maybe we could make more money by investing in carbonated beverage companies.

All in a days work.

-Norman