I have decided to relocate Within the Lines over to homesteadblogger.  Any interested can find me here. 

"A low standard of prayer means a low standard of character and a low standard of service.  Those alone labor effectively among men who impetuously fling themselves upward towards God."

What an incredible God!  Did you know there's such a thing as a "Railroad Worm"?!  Today we read in Creatures that Glow (a book from the library) that these nocturnal worms (that are actually beetles as adults) live in Central and South America.  They get their name from their ability to light up when provoked to look like a train at night.  Not only can they light up 16 spots along their bodies, but they can light up some spots and not others.  And the females have red heads that also light up.  It's so amazing to me!  A worm, that's actually a beetle, that lights up like a locomotive, but we don't really know much about it because it's a shy, nocturnal creature.  God has hidden bits of His amazing creative character everywhere!!

And we have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.  God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.  ...There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear...

In January of 2000, my future husband & I decided to meet for lunch to discuss our blossoming friendship and "define our relationship", as we two excessively analytical people called it. The definition we decided on at that meeting was "friendship with potential".  We would continue seeing each other regularly, let that become dating naturally, and meet the beginning of April, 3 months later, specifically to "redefine our relationship".  Our friends and family secretly laughed at all this because they could see that we were meant to be if anyone ever was.  They were right, and our parameters very quickly fell by the wayside.  We never made it to our 3-month check-up; we were married April 1st, 2000. 

Our fairytale romance crashed into the wall of reality only a few weeks into our marriage.  I won't go into all the details here; suffice to say, pretty much every trial that you hear about testing marriages, ie. health problems, miscarriage, financial problems, discipline issues (I have a daughter from a previous marriage.), major household repairs, major car repairs, moving, personal issues from the past, etc, etc, hit our first year.  At about 6 months along, we were ready to call it quits; it was just that horrible.

Today, our marriage is INCREDIBLE, everything that was promised by what we saw when dating and more.  Although many small (and often hard) steps contributed to our turn-around, one of the most significant for me was some counsel from my mom.  I was crying to her one day over the lost fairytale, the realization that my husband was very human, NOT Prince Charming, that he would be selfish and hurt me, like it or not.  I said, "I can't trust him not to hurt me.  Quite the opposite.  I can pretty much count on the fact that he will definitely hurt me."  The moment crystallized for me, the, when my mom asked, "yes, but can you trust his love?  Can you trust that tho he gets selfish and hurts you, or unthinkingly puts you down, that he ultimately loves you and doesn't intentionally want to do you harm?"  The answer to that was obvious.  In my previous marriage I'd known what it was to not be able to trust my husband's love.  I knew without question that my current husband loved, loves, LOVES me, and I could put my trust and confidence there.

It took me about 5 years for a "duh" moment to hit, to connect it to God. During these last 6 years of marriage, there've been many, many blessings, but there've also been many, many times when we felt that God had sort of pulled the rug out from under us.  We've often wondered how to trust God (beyond trusting His Sovereignty) when you know you can't expect him to keep you always safe, always happy, always loved.  In fact, according to the Bible, we can expect persecutions, dangers, sword.  Trusting He's in control was some help, but also left a feeling sort of like drudgery "well, just keep your head down and keep plodding along; God knows what He's doing."  BUT we can trust His love!  DUH!  It's only all over the Bible..."Nothing can separate us from His love...God's unfailing love...God so loved...He first loved us...those whom He dearly and tenderly loves...etc, etc, not only that He loves us, but praises to His love because the writers knew this was our reason for hope and faith!

 "Imagine what that would look like to the world to see Christians responding from a place of certainty rather than reacting from a place of panic..."                                Nicole Nordeman, in CCM

I announced to my husband the other day that I've decided to quit being a homeschooler... then I had to console my oldest daughter who overheard and dissolved into a puddle of tears. 

As I explained to her, they will still be taught at home, but I'm fed up with the constant striving to do homeschooling right -- no, right-er -- no! right-er-er.  I disappeared into the black hole known as "making a better plan" almost 2 weeks ago.  I finally emerged triumphantly waving new schedules & forms above my head, only to notice, an hour or so later, some changes, improvements, needing to be made.  That evening, God sorta clunked me over the head with a picture of my kids someday reminiscing about those good ole school days when Mom hunched over the computer desperately pecking out a new schedule while they went off and learned on their own.  I decided that I want to rejoin my family living & learning as life happens, and quit trying to "be a homeschooler".  I'm just a mom, now, raising, loving, and teaching my children.  AAHHHH! (sigh)

     I remember as a very young girl, walking along talking and singing to God as though He were right there next to me.  I never mistook Him for my "imaginary friend"; although I have presumed upon His kindness too often, being in a living, breathing relationship with Him never took away from His being God to me.  My parents didn't tell me this was how to be with God, how to be a Christian.  I didn't relate to God this way because church told me this was part of the steps to being a Christian.  I was too young to remember now why I began this way; suffice to say, I began this way and so continue to this day presuming that when I talk to God, He talks back. 

     Now, I find myself in the odd position of being religiously naive.  The evangelical circles I currently find myself moving in call this "charismatic", and get a little nervous about the wisdom of following the "little voices in my head".  Andree Seu wrote in her recent column (God in the shower) in World mag , "Still, I evidently needed to learn something about the immediacy of God's voice, for God brought me into the company of believers called "charismatics" who listen for God's voice like you listen for the cellphone ring.  My friend would hear from God in the shower."  (She was in no way demeaning this belief, but it struck a nerve as I am so surrounded by people shocked by this very idea.)  I had no idea that I had a label, that what I was doing (what I called "relationship with God") was something to be afraid of. 

     When & why did the church walked away from something as simple as hearing from God?  Who decided that God restricts Himself to speaking from the Bible?  I know the discomfort with charismatics is often blamed on those who've abused others using the "God told me for you" routine; but there are abuses in every approach to religion and non-religion.  I've seen (and experienced) the resistance to listen due to times we believe we've heard something from God that does not prove true; but we can fall into error reading the Bible just as easily.

     This is what I think:  just like in any relationship, we are afraid of the complete vulnerability that our surrender would expose us to.  We've boxed God in, and ourselves beyond the reach of the God who sent Moses with dire predictions to the Egyptians, assigned and directed a whale for Jonah, and made the early church to look like drunks in midday.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

     I hope to finally be back for good.  My absence has been due to several conspiring factors:  the season (gardening & going), children's schedules, and, the most significant, self-inflicted intimidation.  

     As a "newby" to blogging, I spent a lot of time random-blogging and enjoying the variety of blogs out there.  Unfortunately, I also spent a lot of time comparing my initial entries and thoughts to others, and failing miserably.  I decided I was too serious, "this one is so much fun, and gets lots of feedback", too harsh "this one is so gentle & persuasive", too off on the wrong tangent "everyone else thinks this way...why don't I?" and just plain too repetitive "others are saying the same thing much better than I am".  Tho I love to write out my thoughts, the whole idea that I "was being watched (or read)" caused me to lose my nerve -- for a while. 

     Now my kids' are all napping simultaneously, so I hope to set aside 1/2 hour + per day to write (if I have to save a draft and finish the next day, so be it).  And I am going to try to just be me, not looking too hard at the next guy.  And I will pray before I write, that God would guide my thoughts, and I and my words would be surrendered to Him; thus if He wants it said by me and 200 other people that's His business!

"Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home (in the body) or absent, to be pleasing to Him."  

Haven't had time to post in a while; don't know if I really have anything significant to say, but needed to write.

Thanks to Susan from Simply Beechick and Turtle Island Home School, I'm back on track with homeschooling.  She, very helpfully, described her approach to teaching her dd7 in such a way that I could actually see it and get it.  Not that I felt compelled to follow her system in our family; rather, I finally got what is meant by "teach your child, not the curriculum." Looking back, I think I got really side-tracked by the systems used to teach, rather than simply helping my children learn what they needed.  I also was able (with this much needed adjustment) to solve some basic problems contributing to my lostness.  After okaying it with my husband, I set aside Saturday (after baby to bed) to stay up late planning & prepping.  What a difference a little preparation makes!  Just having things planned & prepped has meant that I could relax knowing I can learn as I go; I don't have to get everything just right the first time; I have a structure to relax into.  Maybe this makes no sense to anyone else, but I am soooo relieved to be on the other side of that desert/minefield I've been in.

This family has been added to our family's morning prayer. Hope you'll join us in lifting them up!

Thanks for the heads up, OurHomeSweetHomeschool and nicolenordman

     "Lord, the worship we bring is more than songs that we sing.  It's a reflection of our ever-changing lives; the best we have to offer.  We don't just lift up our hands; Lord, we lift up our lives, for we know that you are worthy of our praise.  To You our lifesongs raise.  Rescued from darkness, we are walking in marvelous light for we are children of the King!

     You are worthy of all honor, glory, praise and power, King of the nations.  You are holy, God almighty; clothed in brilliant majesty, Father, Spirit, Jesus."

This is an intro I wrote for the created2behishelpmeet yahoo group that I subscribe to.  I thought I'd also include it here as it tells a bit about me. (The group studies and discusses the book Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl; this is what I am referring to throughout my post.)

Message: 5
   Date: Sat Jun 3, 2006 8:08 am (PDT)
   From: "Angela Fritze" fritzeng@yahoo.com 
Subject: Re: Re-intro


I'm Angela, a sahm in northern MN; I hs my 3 children: dd-8, ds-4, and dd-1.  My husband, a "Mr. Steady" and Christian counselor, and I have been married for 6 years.  A head-spinning, oh-so-romantic courtship between Prince Charming and his (formerly-dead--to-men-that-is) Long Lost Lady Love was followed by a torturous, tumultuous 1st year of marriage.  In addition to the shock of finding each other to be decidedly human, nearly everything that could go wrong, did.  At about 6-8 months, or so, into it we were ready to call it quits but felt stuck due to our convictions that God had brought us together and united us for life.  Little by little, God transformed us using seemingly small changes, humble willingness, prayer and repentance. 
  
  About 2-3 years ago (I think it was), God "set me up" to be ready to read ...HelpMeet by introducing me to No Greater Joy ministries, having me read The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura, and developing an overwhelming longing in my heart for real lived-out faith.  Reading it (the first time) had tremendous impact on not just my attitude toward my husband and beliefs about marriage, but also turned me upside-down with the awareness that loving God requires obeying Him, that what the Bible lays out truly is supposed to be our frame of reference, not "our own understanding".  Although I'd sort of grown up knowing and loving God, this was a revolutionary idea for me.
  
  I continue to struggle with dying to myself, laying down my rights.  God continues working and molding me, although I don't for the life of me know how because I seem like play-doh that's been left out for 2 days, hard in some spots, soft in others.
  
  I use ...HelpMeet like a reference book, opening daily for reminders and encouragement, as well as reading along with this group.  And now my husband is reading it to prepare for giving it out to women he's seeing for marriage counseling.
  
  May God's truth, by His mercy, prevail. 

Angela

"And the Lord is the one who goes ahead of you;  He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear, or be dismayed."               

Guess what my big revelation for today is?  You'll never guess! (drumroll.......)

I don't clean my sink the way FlyLady tells me to, and IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME--not even a little! 

WOW!  Isn't that awe-inspiring?!  .......Well, maybe some elaboration is in order. 

This is not a tirade against FlyLady; I've gotten some great tips from her.  I don't even clean my sink the way my very good friends do.  I just clean the sink the way I clean my sink; it's stays satisfactorily clean which is the goal of sink-cleaning.  Therefore, I don't stay up nights agonizing over whether or not I'm cleaning my sink the right way. 

Which leads me to what this thought really meant to me.  I don't clean my house following a certain method, or just like so-and-so.  I don't agonize over potential failing as a housekeeper.  So why do I agonize over potential failing as a homeschooler?  Yes, I realize my kids' future is of greater weight than my home's appearance.   However, both housekeeping and child-rearing are God-ordained services to be rendered to my King.   If He planned me for both of these positions of service, I can safely assume He prepared me for both of these positions.  If I can be confident that the knowledge and skills I need for housekeeping will be available when I need them (which they have been so far), likewise I should be confident that the wisdom and skills (and materials and patience, etc, etc) will be available when I need them.

I really want to lay down my control and fears and comparison judging, and just obediently do whatever God calls our family to do.  Thanks be to God.  His patience is from everlasting to everlasting, and His mercies are new every morning...and noon...and night. 

FINALLY!!  I'm actually here--sitting down--thinking thoughts--and blogging them!!  End of May/beginning of June -- that's garden planting season here in northern MN, and we're gardening with a capital "G".  The garden I've had for the past couple of years was too shady and too small; so that became what I call the kitchen garden (for herbs and shade-loving crops), and we added a huge "main garden" in a sunnier area for corn, melons, beans, tomatoes, vine crops, etc. Although this year has required lots of labor, we're hoping future years will be substantially less; we built boxed, raised beds to avoid tilling, put in drip line irrigation for better watering, covered beds with black plastic for better production and weed control, and put mulch between beds also for weed control.  LOTS of work -- but worth it, I hope, and they are beautiful gardens.  I will post the pictures later in the season when things are growing.

Aside from all our busy-ness outdoors, my sort-of-end-of-year evaluation of our schooling is not encouraging to me.  When I look back over our year, I see the kids learning (maybe) mostly out of self-defense while I frantically re-evaluated and rearranged our schedule for the umpteenth time every few weeks.  I think I'm in that shift I've read about other homeschoolers doing from "doing school at home" to learning together.  I started out 3 years ago telling everyone I wanted an "old one-room schoolhouse" education for my kids.  I think I pictured me as Laura Ingalls or Anne (of Green Gables) sweetly and enthusiastically leading my equally sweet and enthusiastic students into the wonderful world of reading, writing and...well, arithmetic didn't figure very highly since I always have hated anything to do with numbers in books outside of real life.  Gradually (V--E--R--Y gradually) I've shifted away more to what I read is relaxed homeschooling.  I want to be my kids' mom, not the "schoolmarm".  I want to read Little House on the Prairie because the kids are asking for it, not say (as I have), "wait till we hit that place in history."  I want to take time to train in all areas of life, not always be out of time because we have to follow our schedule.  The question is, "HOW?"  How does it look -- really?  How do you keep up records when you're either doing things with the kids or taking care of the house and baby and there's no plan to simply check things off of?

God has told me 2 things so far -- "Quit the obsessive scheduling," and "Teach your kids" (not the books, schedule, curriculum, ___method. etc).  But I am just not getting the full picture and would really appreciate some input. Others who've gone thru this switch?  And why is it so hard for me to drop the reins??  (Well, you don't actually have to answer that one!)  

Obedience is certainly something to take seriously.  It is useless to discover God's agenda for us unless we follow it, and it is useless for us to declare our love for God if we do not demonstrate it.                          --Vickie Farris, A Mom Just Like You

(continuing the study commentary I read in my Open Bible, New American Standard version)

Yielding leads not only to dedication but also can result in separation: "do not be conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2).  Since the world is resolutely opposed to God, one cannot revel in its lusts and at the same time do the will of God (1John 2:15-17 "Do not love the world, nor the things in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.  And the world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever.")  The same word translated "conformed" here can be translated "fashioning."  So the concept of separation involves being "unfashionable" in spirit, thought, values, and actions according to the world's standards.

     Finally, yielding includes transformation of the mind.  This work is said to be accomplished through a lifetime of "renewing" the mind.  Man's mind has been darkened by sin (Romans 8:7 "because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so;") and must be brought to the place where it thinks as God thinks (Ephesians 4:23 "and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind,").  This renewing is said to come especially through prayer to God in everything (Philippians 4:6,7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.") and through constant meditation on the Word of God (Psalm 119:  "O how I love Thy law!  It is my meditation all the day.").  This transformation is a lifelong process that will not be completed until we are with Christ (Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."   1John 3:2 "Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we shall be.  We know that, when He appears, we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him just as He is.").  Along life's way, however, it brings a peace and delight that can only come from having embraced the mind of Christ.