(a thought-provoking study commentary I read last night in my Open Bible, New American Standard version)

     Confession of sin in itself is not enough to enable the believer to automatically walk in the Spirit.  He must then become a yielded instrument for God's service.  What is to be yielded is simply himself.  (Romans 6:13 "and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God."  James 4:7 "Submit, therefore, to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.")  This involves both the body (Romans 12:1 "I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship."  1Cor. 6:20 "For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.") and the mind (Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."), since it is with the body that actions conceived in the mind are carried out and with the mind that they are formulated.  Stated another way, that which is conceived in the mind is carried out in the body; thus, one's whole being must be presented by a decisive act of the will to God for His service.  Yielding must not be thought of simply as a willingness to do some specific thing.  Rather, it consists of dedication by a person to do whatever God commands. 

   I wish there were no such thing!  I don't even know why things fell apart, why I just didn't feel ready to "be". 

I should have used the laundry as math; it seemed to have multiplied and divided in the night.  Sitting curled up in the playhouse doing early learning with my 4-year-old while my 1-year-old climbed all over us, adding to the mess, bending books, etc wasn't as fun as yesterday.  I yelled at my beautiful oldest out of my frustration that she didn't just know what to do on her math (only to find out later that in addition to my mortification over yelling, I had misunderstood the instructions myself).  My baby was grumpy all day, subsequent to my mood or teething, I don't know.  Little things--dropped dishes, extra messes, minor mistakes--all put that tight feeling in my lips that reminds me of my mom when she'd get tense.

There are just days like this where part of me wonders why God didn't make me someone else--someone more consistently cheerful, for example; the other part of me just wants to hide under the covers sniffling till I'm somehow all better.  Is anyone else like this, or am I the only up-and-down person there is??

I could give the recipe for my husband's favorite dessert - Cheese Pie (cream cheese, condensed milk, lemon juice & vanilla blended and put in a graham cracker crust) which I just finished making for tonight.  Or I could talk about how homeschooling is going this week, having just returned from my state's convention (tremendously encouraged by Todd Wilson's "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe," and excited to have found a reading/language program, "Drawn Into the Heart of Reading" that actually fits what I've always wanted, and anxious to get started on "Artistic Pursuits").

     What I'm really thinking about, tho, is how with the birth of my first child, that fearful, perfectionist side of me pushed its way to the forefront.  My core value became "Get It Right" rather than "Follow God".  I've spent the last 8 years trying to make & do everything right for my kids so that they won't be ruined for life while becoming increasingly aware of (and panic-stricken by) my own inability to succeed at this self-assigned task. 

     God, in His infinite patience, has nudged (with gradually increasing force) me to trust Him.  He has used homeschooling predominently; as I search for the perfect schedule to get everything done right, He asks me to follow Him day by day.  He asks for my trust concerning what to teach and not teach, that He will be my "Scope & Sequence".  He promises to be my cloud by day and pillar of fire by night.  He reminds me that they're His kids, in His plan, bound for His future.

     And in great hope and trust and confidence, I respond to the God who has loved me immensely and guided me perfectly and waits so tenderly, ..."but what if you do it wrong?" 

The point is this: if we do what is right, our feelings will change.  The Bible's way is not "feel your way to a new way of acting" but rather "act your way to a new way of feeling.                  

                                         --Debra Bell   The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling

By saying I am a Christian, am I then committing to follow (ie: be obedient to) everything in the Bible? 

My first assumption is "YES, of course!"  But then I read 2Thess. 3: 6-15 that we are to keep our distance from brothers who are undisciplined, busybodies, lazy, not working for their living but looking for a handout.  Seems pretty straight-forward.  However, the churches I am acquainted and involved with would find this rather scandalous, I think.  There are many "idle" people that call or attend church looking for charity;  the church sees them as "needy", and would call it "cold, hard-hearted, and judgmental" to disassociate themselves from these.

When I googled "following the Bible", I came across a sceptic asking a similar question.  He wondered why it is that Christians will quote Leviticus concerning the sin of homosexuality, but they don't also require that a farmer avoid harvesting the corners of his field; why do we pick some of the Bible to follow, but leave out, avoid, or change others to suit us.  While I recognize some of the common sense responses, I find myself asking the same thing.  Why are we so quick to discard those verses that confuse us, or seem to require more than we can give, or don't fit modern fashion, or stifle individuality, etc, etc?

God, please show me what YOU say, louder than the voices of theology and human reason.

Our watered-down, modern gospel gives the impression that God sent Jesus to our worldly "we-fest" with the best present in the world, a Get-Out-Of-Death-Free coupon!  Now if we just open the door when He rings the bell and "accept" the package, we get to live forever...in a palace...with all the food we can eat...on streets of gold...no problems, pain, or death!! Basically, God sent His Son to die so that we could get everything we ever wanted AND live forever.  God, the great enabler!

     After we've signed on the dotted line, someone from church is sent to show us the practically invisible small print at the bottom of the page.  "You do have one small obligation --out of gratitude, of course (you've just been given streets of gold and immortality, after all)-- BE GOOD.  

   Short List:

     go to church, pray, read your Bible,

     don't drink or smoke or hang out with bad people.  

   Long List:

     read every book offered by CBD so you can

     talk the right way, walk the right way, sing the right way,

     wear your hair the right way, dress the right way,

     live in the right place, decorate your house the right way,

     work the right way, spend time and money the right way,

     give the right way, evangelize the right way,

     birth your kids the right way, parent the right way,

     retire the right way, and die the right way.

     When we can't keep our end of the bargain, we tend to either despair and think ourselves one of the black sheep, or strike a new bargain whereby we get it all but don't have to respond at all "because Jesus paid for us".

     What I read in my Bible is a substantially different message.  The emphasis of its teaching is on surrender and struggle, fear of God and faith, courage and commitment; it calls us to rise above temptations, to show love by obedience, to bear fruit, to die to self.  It says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.  For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life." (Galatians 6:7-8)   Where is that in today's gospel?

     To our self-loving generation, the true good news may not seem very good at all.  "You know all that pampering and self-indulgence you enjoy?  Give it up; it's killing you.  You know your riches,  possessions and investments you've worked and connived for?  They provide a false security; give them away.  You know your rights, your independence, the choices you 'deserve'?  Give them up; they don't belong to you." 

          What we really are is pitiful, blind and naked; lost sinners in a lost world, desperately feeding our flesh while our spirits starve, living depraved while becoming dust.  God calls us to surrender our self-seeking ways; give up this fruitless chasing of worldly wind; die to all we now hold dear; He's waiting.  He reached down before we ever thought of reaching up.  He held nothing back in His abasement, dying fully and cruelly at the hands of better sinners than you or me.  Will you give up the world and return to Your Maker?  Will you forsake your former pursuits to follow Him and only Him forever?  Will you bow your head and knee and heart to His rightful supremacy in your life?

     "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.  For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it.  For what will a man be profited if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?  For the Son of Man is going to come in the glory of His Father  with His angels; and will then recompense every man according to his deeds."  (Matthew 16:24-27)

     The true gospel is this message.  When you die in this way, then true life is found --in Jesus, Himself.  The joy you've looked for everywhere is at His right hand.  The purpose you've longed for is found living for and with Him.  The true benefit of eternal life is not immortality, a self-gratifying escape from death; rather, it's restoration to life with our beloved Creator and Savior. "For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside.  I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God, than dwell in the tents of wickedness."  (Psalm 84:10)

Whoso loves believes the impossible.

                                           --Elizabeth Barrett Browning

God has blessed me beyond belief, has He not?!!    

                                                  , GOD!!

In my spring issue of TOS, I read today that I should define my purpose for blogging.  So here I am--purposing my blog...or is it blogging my purpose?   

I guess I forget that anyone else will be reading this.  I think of it as my online journal, and I intend to write in it as such.  Unfortunately for those who stumble on it, my journal is my place to "think out loud" since my brain tends to get all cluttered with to-do lists mixed with unanswerable questions; so, I write what I'm thinking or talking to God about and tend to leave out the actual events of my life most of the time.  I intersperse my thoughts with favorite or interesting or thought-provoking or inspiring or funny or whatever quotes (lines) from a variety of sources just because I like them.

If you're reading this, welcome... and enjoy!  (and if you're not enjoying it, sorry... I did! Just hit random blog & pretend you didn't just spend time in my head.)