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The Chocolate Box

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Saturday 18 October 2008
Jake~

Posted in Posted by Jane Austen

Ok, I really need feedback on this. I don't think I like it, I might just ditch it and go a different direction....but don't let me influence you. ^_^

 Jordin Adams brushed back her silky brown hair and sighed. She looked down at her clipboard then back at the man in the hospital bed. The report showed that his name was Jake Mesh, age 25 and had no next of kin on record. Even if he did have next of kin, she wouldn’t have contacted them. No, Jake Mesh was top secret.

 Why they put a simple Peace Corps man on the mission was beyond her comprehension. He looked fit enough for the job, but did they think he could handle this kind of thing? He was doing well in his training though, he was their best man and did everything better than anyone else who they put to the test.

 Jordin still couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong in the caves. Jake did exceptionally well though. He wasn’t supposed to get shot, but that was beyond their control. But the coldness? The caves didn’t even have an air conditioner. Though it should, considering how high tech it was. The coldness was unexplainable, and him also not knowing where he was, well that confused her even more. But the thing that left them all baffled was the “thing” that tried to get Jake. That wasn’t suppose to happen. Nothing was suppose to happen really. Just a quick “get in get out” type thing that certainly didn’t involve Rogers dying, Jake getting shot or the cave turning into an iceberg.

 Rogers. He had been with the program since the beginning. Everyone was mourning his death. He was a good man. His life was to short, only 28. He was getting married next month. Was…. She was going to miss him so much.

 Jordin felt her eyes water and she blinked them rapidly. A soft moan from the bed made her jump to her feet.

 

(how do you like the cliff-hanger R.K.?) lol

~ Jane Austen ~

Comments

Saturday 18 October 2008 - Hmm..

Posted by Laura Wilder

Not bad Jane! But, then again, I'm not RK (lol). But if you get stuck in prison again, I will save you! (If my Mum will let me eat weird food) But, yeah, I like it!

Until later,
Laura Wilder.

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Saturday 18 October 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by narnialover95

Love it love it love it! Keep writing!

~Lemony Snicket

Edited by narnialover95 on Saturday 18 October 2008 at 12:14 PM

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Sunday 19 October 2008 - C.S. Lewis

Posted by MaidenCapitolaBallot

Okay, do you know how weird this is? If I hadnt seen you I would say you are Ted DeKker himself...are you? I mean, for crying out loud!!!! You only wrote romantic stuff I thought, and this, this is, soooo DeKkerish.
It is really good, it is going to tamke me forever though to convince myself you are the same Jane as the one I met.
You got it,
Jack Lewis' Ghost and her Sardines
PS, you are asking for it with RK, I hop she throws you in

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Sunday 19 October 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Pip

ARRRRGH!!!!! The cliff-hanger is unacceptable!!!!!! I'be half a mind to throw you back in my dungeon, but the story is getting so exciting I want nothing to hinder you from finishing it!!!
R.K.

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