Posted in Posted by Lemony Snicket

Here is a little story that I wrote, I hope ya'll get a laugh out of it!

“Get out of the way!” A cry emerged from the hustle and bustle of the traffic on Route 66. Suddenly, almost out of no where, came a grey minivan, the tires squealing on the road. It swerved past every car it could, and the ones it didn’t swerve past, it drove on top of. 

     Who was this reckless driver? None other than an orc, escaped right out of the pages of The Lord of the Rings. 

     This particular orc was roaming about Middle Earth, having gotten lost from Isengard, when he came across Rivendell. He was not all that interested in visiting or pillaging Rivendell, but he was interested to see if the magic of elves could get him into another world. So, after taking Elrond captive, he drew out a rough sketch of a busy street with cars on it. Elrond was forced to say a few words of elf magic, and as soon as he did, the orc was whisked into our own world.

     “Ugh,” said the orc, “I don’t like this place one bit. It’s full of horrible machines on wheels that move much to fast! And there are no orcs here, only men!” The orc, hating every moment of his time there, looked around to see if Elrond was still there, but he was no where in sight. “Oh well, I’ll just try to have a little fun here!”

     So, after running forty seven miles on the interstate and getting of on an exit, he walked around and found many shops there. Fast food restaurants, movie rentals, gas stations, all sorts of buildings. This may not seem like anything special to you, but if you were an orc who was never used to seeing anything but the tower of Barad-dur or the Black Gate, you would be pretty amazed at this sight as well. 

     Immediately, his eyes looked towards a car dealership. He was intrigued by the look of it, so he ran towards it. He went inside, and saw dozens and dozens of cars against the wall. He thought to himself, “I can have some fun with this.” 

     So, he yelled out, “Which one of you is in charge here?” 

     The whole building went silent. Hesitantly, a tall man shuffled forward and stammered, “Um…um…I….I am…sir.”

     “Well then see here mister,” replied the menacing orc, as he drew his rough sword, “You give me one of these here things on wheels, and I WON’T kill you!”

     “Yes…yes…al…alright…sir. I…I’ll just…just give you the…the keys to which…whichever one you…you want.” 

     “Stop your babbling man, and show me all that you have!”

     The car dealer had never expected something so terrifying to happen in his business, other than the occasional customer who would throw something out of the window because of the high prices. With fear pouring out of him like sweat, he showed the orc every car he had. 

     The orc eventually chose a grey minivan, because it looked the most sturdy and ready for battle (in case he would run in to such a thing along the way). 

     “Well sir,” the orc said, “Thank you kindly. I’ll just be going then!” And with that, the orc put the car in drive and rammed though the wall like a driving expert.

     As soon as the Middle-Earthian was out of the building, the car dealer called the police, and told them that a mad orc had broken in to his business, stolen a car, and was headed down Route 66. The police didn’t think this possible, and orc in The United States? Impossible! However, being the police, the still got in their cars and drove off.

     The orc floored the gas pedal, and drove straight through the drive-thru of MacDonald’s, and rushed onto the highway, his sword still in hand. 

     He finally reached Route 66, and decided to start ramming into all of the other cars that got in his way. CRASH! he bumped into one. BANG! into another. Going faster and faster, crashing more and more cars, went the orc.

     He was about to crash into another car, when he heard a loud piercing noise. He looked in his mirrors, and saw more cars with flashing lights on top of them. He grew rather envious, wishing he had stolen a car like one of those. He was almost tempted to pull over and ask one of the men where they got one, but suspicion grew in his mind that these were no friends of his.

     He swerved and crashed, ran over cars and spun a few donuts on the highway, trying to throw of the police, but it was no use, these police knew all of the car chase tricks in the book. Realizing that he wasn’t going to get them off of his tail, the orc decided to do something that was NOT from the book.

     Quickly, he rolled down his window, slowed down so he could get right beside one of the cars, put down his sword, got out his bow and arrow, and tried to shot the police. What he didn’t know is that his car was swerving out of control, and that the police car windows were made out of bullet proof glass, which meant arrow proof aswell. 

     Suddenly, the orc’s car went out of control, swerved off of the road, and hit a tree. Desperate to get away from the police, he ran into the forest off of the side of the road. 

     The policed dashed into the forest, in hope of finding him, but as much as they looked, he could not be found by anyone. That next day, a newspaper article appeared:

     A car chase happened on Route 66 yesterday. He ran into the woods and has not been seen since. Luckily, no one was hurt in the chase, but many cars were damaged. Some locals, including a car dealer, believes the culprit was an orc, come strait from Middle Earth, but others believe it was just a deer gone loose.

Blessings,

Snicket