May. 13, 2008
My Story [Part 1] --
Here's a new story that I'm working on. Feedback would be great because I'm trying to decide if I should pursue this story or not.
“So, what's going on today?” a woman walked into the police station of the small town, Vistaff. Long, wavy, chestnut brown hair fell down her back as she flopped down into a chair and started shuffling through papers.
“Ah, Kit. You're here,” a tall man with dark hair rose from the table that he had been sitting at. “We got a call this morning, it looks like there's been a kidnapping.” Kit looked up. “Really? I thought that you said it was boring in this town Dan! You call that boring?”
Dan smiled a little, “Well, I should have said that it is usually boring. This hasn't happened for years. In fact, it hasn't happened at all while I've been here,” he picked up some papers and started fiddling through them. “Here's the what information we could find, it really isn't much.”
Kit got up and walked over to look over his shoulder. “Bethany Jackson, age eighteen, works at High Ridge Stables, estimated kidnapping time six thirty... was on a horse ride? Who would go on a ride that early?”
Dan chuckled. “People that are crazy about horses don't mind the time I guess. Ashley, the owner of the stables, said that she goes on rides at that time every day. Something about being alone with God or something,” he shrugged.
“So you've been to the scene?” Kit questioned.
“Well, we've been to the stables but we haven't done any looking around on the paths. I thought you'd like to be there.”
“Well you thought right! Are we going now?”
“We? I need to stay here and hold down the fort. You can go, there are some of our other people there still.”
“Great!” Kit grabbed her coat and ran out of the door, excited to be on something already. She had been at this police station for only a couple of weeks, though this wasn't the first time she had worked as a police. It had taken a while for her to get to where she was now, it had been something she had dreamed of pretty much all of her life. She had always been bolder than her sister and not nearly as boy-crazy. Kit rolled her eyes as she remembered overhearing her parents talking about her.
“What is wrong with that girl?” her mother asked, exasperated.
“I don't know. Maybe she'll grow out of it,” her father had been at least a little more laid back about the affair.
“But what if she doesn't?” her mother worried again. “What if she never goes out and finds someone? What will happen to her when we're gone? I think you should talk to her.”
“Why don't we give her a little more time? She may not need our urging.”
“Fine and I hope you're right. I guess it wouldn't do any good to talk to her anyway, she's as stubborn as a mule.”
Her father had chuckled. “That she is.”
Kit frowned. Her father had ended up talking to her once, her mother more than once, and her sister constantly would point out boys wherever they went. She wondered at how she had survived it all. Of course her brother liked her more because she didn't follow the usual silly ways of the girls in their neighborhood, and she got along well with him. Her sister and she were so different though that they never had a very close relationship.
She pushed aside the memories for a moment to turn onto a small gravel road that wound its way up the side of a hill. Her mother would never had approved of her bouncing along over a dusty road. Her mother wouldn't, and didn't, approve of anything that she had done. She wanted her to settle down and have kids, not run off to some college in America and become a police detective. She shook her head, as if to scatter the memories like autumn leaves before the wind. Her car came to a stop in front of the stables. There were a few policemen still there, and a few other people. Pushing her half grown bangs away from her face, she stepped out of the car and started towards the knot of people.
Leave a Clue
Mar. 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by SeaChel
*applause* I really liked that!! I hope you do more!
~SeaChel
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Mar. 17, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by skmarlow
Oh, yes! How fun to read a story about characters I've met already. :-)
I like how you interspersed the action with the backflash and with some "info" about Kit and her background. I think this story has definite possibilities. Kidnapping and mystery stories are hard to write, though. You must weave clues (and red herrings--false clues) throughout, and there must be a motive, etc. I think you should definitely go for it if you've got it laid out in your head!
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Jul. 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by gracealamode
Great! Very mysterious. I want to read more of your story, so is it alright with you if I add you as a friend?
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Aug. 20, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by MaidenCapitolaBallot
It is very pretty! I love the verse in it that goes, "Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Heres my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."
So, how have you been lately?
Have you stopped writing your other story? :(
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Aug. 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by MaidenCapitolaBallot
Oh well that makes sence! What are you writing for the Young adult writing adventure?
Are you doing NaNoWriMo, or did I already ask that?
I cannot wait to read more of your main story! I love mysteries and yours is coming along wonderfully well!
So, anything new happening down there?
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Sep. 16, 2008 - HI!
Posted by UnderCoverAgents
Yes, it gets kind of confusing when I don't talk to myself, I have to talk to my characters then, and most of them are not speaking to me. Quite sad really.
Oh yes, the Dekker kidnapping, I will get Alasse on it and we will post soon. Until then I remain, well, Isilwen :D
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Jan. 10, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by purpleprincess
LOL glad you liked my pop-up!!! You can get one yourself by cutting and paisting the code. If you want, I can find it and give it to you. You can type in your own message after that.
:)
-Kaitee
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Kit Schwester is twenty-two years old and lives in America. She grew up in Germany with a brother, a sister, and her parents. After graduating early from school, Kit went to a college in Germany where they recommended that she go to a bigger college in America. She went, despite the disapproval of her parents. She now works as a police/detective.
