Mar. 17, 2008
Lesson 8 --

Posted in Lessons

[1] Little Red Riding Hood lived with her 30-year-old mother in a small cottage in the woods. Ivy climbed and weaved around the cottage. One day she set out to bring her grandmother a basket of food. Mother packed a fresh loaf of bread, a few slices of bologna, and a thermos of hot, steaming cocoa in the basket. Red Riding Hood left the cottage and wandered along the path through the deep, dark forest. Her stomach fluttered at the shadows. Suddenly, from behind a tall fir tree, a dark, shaggy creature with pointed ears and a mouth full of sharp teeth appeared. It was a wolf!

[2] A throbbing head was the first thing fifteen-year-old Kit became aware of. It was completely dark but she could hear noises, people talking in hushed voices, footsteps, and a persistent beeping near her. For a moment she laid very still, wondering why it was so dark, but then she realized something; her eyes were closed. Slowly, very slowly, she cracked open one of her brown eyes and then the other. A white ceiling was what she saw, and when she twisted her head around she could see that she was in a bed and there was a table right next to her. A hospital! The thought struck her hard and she sat up quickly, as if she had laid on a pin.
"Ow!" she groaned and leaned back on the bed as pain lanced up her arm. She looked blankly down at it, struggling to remember what had happened. I remember walking through the woods... Billy came out... ah! He had dared her to climb that stupid tree! A tree that was much too whispy to support anyone. Kit frowned. Billy was the school's bully and was always making threats or daring someone to do something, and Kit was the type to never pass up a dare. Hearing footsteps approaching Kit looked up to see a doctor.
"How are we feeling?" He inquired.
Kit scowled. "Fine."
The doctor seemed amused. "One can tell who your daddy is," he chuckled. "I doctored him when he was a youngin', and he was just like you," he picked up a few papers and walked out, still laughing.
Kit watched him go with an eyebrow raised. "Doctors. They're so weird," she pushed a strand of wavy brown hair away from her face and stared at the smooth white wall.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Kit let her breath hiss out between her teeth harshly and turned to glare at the beeping machine. "Good grief! Do you have to be so noisy?!" She asked, exasperated. She looked hard at it for a moment or two more and then slouched, returning her gaze to the wall again. "Maybe I'm as crazy as the doctor; talking to a machine. Gee," she sat unmoving for an hour, staring at the wall and trying to think of something to do. She hated just sitting around. Looking down at her arm she grumbled, "I guess I won't be crocheting or anything anytime soon. It's all Billy's fault. I'm gonna pound when I get back to school," she grinned at the thought and leaned back to savor the thought.

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Mar. 17, 2008 - Lesson 8

Posted by skmarlow

Oh, simply delightful! I thoroughly enjoyed the scene you wrote. You used so much showing that I could see Kit and feel her pain. She is one gutsy gal and I like her!
I don't believe there were any unnecessary phrases or sentences in this scene.

Good job.

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