Apr. 24, 2008
My Story [Part 4] --

Posted in My Main Story

Together Jeremy and Kit made their way back to the stables, where Ashley was grooming a horse. Kit walked up slowly, looking somewhat nervously at the horse. She halted when she was still a few yards away.

“Oh,” Ashley glanced over her shoulder and smiled at her. “Find what you needed?”

Kit shrugged. “Found a little but not much that will help us.”

“You can come closer you know, this is one of the sweetest horses here,” she smiled and patted the great beast's shoulder.

Yeah, I've heard that before. Kit smiled back at Ashley and walked closer, determined not to look afraid. Fear was a weakness, something that she couldn't have. She forced herself to stand next to Ashley, which was right next to the horse.

“This is Zach. He's a big baby,” Ashley played with Zach's mane. “Maybe sometime you could come out and ride with us.”

Kit let out a nervous laugh. “Nah, I don't think so. I just...” she struggled to think of a good excuse. “I just am really busy with work and all,” she finished lamely.

“Ah,” Ashley looked as if she knew the real reason but changed the subject as she untied Zach. “So what kinds of things did you find? I always thought that it was neat the way some people can just go out, look at the ground, and tell all sorts of things,” Ashley spoke as she led Zach to the pasture gate.

Kit walked next to her, keeping as far away from the horse as possible without raising questions. “Well, we found that there were three kidnappers, that the girl had been carried away from the scene, and that the horse had been led away too. I'm guessing that Bethany saw the people or suspected something because there was a stretch where the horse was running, and where they stopped it looked like there had been a struggle. Then all of them went off into the brush. We found a handkerchief too,” Kit patted her pocket. “Did Bethany use an handkerchief?”

Ashley opened the gate and let Zach trot out to the other horses. Once she had closed the gate she looked at Kit and shook her head as she leaned against the fence. “Not that I know of.”

Jeremy came up suddenly from behind Kit. “Then maybe one of the kidnappers had a cold!” He grinned before turning to Kit. “Just got a call from base, Dan says that as soon as we're done to head back.”

“Alright then,” Kit glanced at Ashley. “You may want to keep an eye out, be extra careful and all that, we saw someone on the way back here. He got away but it seems pretty strange for him to be hanging around when that had just happened. I'd suggest that you don't go riding in the woods for a little, and I don't believe it would be a good idea for anyone to go out alone anywhere. Besides that, there isn't really anything else interesting so I'll be heading out. Good day.”

Ashley walked with Kit halfway to her car before forking off for her house. Kit sighed as she got into her car and slammed the door. “Well, this is more than I expected. Nothing like boring this, it's perfect,” she smiled contentedly, glad to have something for her active brain to work on for a while.

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Mar. 31, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by SuzyScribbles

Hey, all right!
You have a good grasp of being able to weave your dialogue and feelings throughout the narrative. A nice balance.
I like this paragraph, as it gives insight into Kit in a very natural way:

Yeah, I've heard that before. Kit smiled back at Ashley and walked closer, determined not to look afraid. Fear was a weakness, something that she couldn't have. She forced herself to stand next to Ashley, which was right next to the horse.

Note: when I read all you students' stories, please understand that I'm reading for "story" and not for editing, as in grammar, etc. That would come WAY later. I'm not stopping to comment on any grammar, spelling, or those kinds of mistakes that everybody makes in a rough draft. I'm just getting a feel for your "voice" and how you make the story come together....

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