Apr. 22, 2008
My Story [Part 5] --

Posted in My Main Story

After her full day, Kit was glad to retire to her apartment. It wasn't very large, one room served for her bedroom, kitchen, and living room. Against one wall was shoved her bed, which could fold up into a couch. She had a desk against the opposite wall, on it sat her computer and near the desk was a smaller table that held a small television. Next to her television there was a carefully stacked pile of movies. Her whole room was tidy and clean, for she hated anything to be out of order.

She let out an exhausted sigh as she flopped down onto her bed with a sandwich, grabbed the remote control, and started flipping through channels. It only took a few minutes for her to find that there wasn't anything worth watching on TV and so she stretched herself out on the bed to stare at the ceiling. There wasn't anything amazing about it really, it was white and bumpy, but she enjoyed staring at it and trying to find pictures like others tried to find in clouds. She had already found a bear and a tree, but tonight she wasn't feeling very creative, she had been racking her brain all day and was finding it to be rather annoying that she couldn't untangle much of what was going on. Dan had told her not to worry about it, that the first day usually didn't yield too much, but she couldn't help but be irritated. She had always had a quick mind and most of the time she could puzzle things out pretty quickly.

After lying still for a moment she felt better. Her hand groped for a book that she always kept next to her bed, and at length she found it. It was a thick book, the front proclaimed it to be “The Adventures and Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes”, one of her favorite things to read. She loved how Holmes could always figure things out that seemed impossible to, and she always felt a glow of satisfaction whenever she was able to figure out some of the mysteries too. Her mind was soon wholly emerged in the tale, she was no longer laying on her bed, she was there with Holmes, trying to put the pieces together.


A ray of sunlight filtered through the blinds of Kit's window, revealing her sleeping peacefully on her bed, a book lying open on her chest. All was quite except for the sweet song of the finch just outside the window. It was just at the peek of its song when a loud and insistent beeping broke in, startling the creature and sending it fluttering away. The alarm clock blared for a few moments before Kit's eyes half opened and a growl escaped her. She slapped her hand down on the clock, pressing the button and turning it off. She blinked dully at the book that lay on her, one of the pages bent and rumpled. She was a little confused about how it had gotten there, but then she quickly picked it up and smoothed down the page, grumbling to herself. “Good Kit, go to sleep in the middle of reading and just about ruin your book. Good one.” She book the book back where it belonged with care and stumped into the kitchen for something to eat.
A container of yogurt and a piece of toast was procured but as she sat down at her desk the phone rang. Kit reached over and picked it up. “Hello?”

“Kit?” it was Dan.

“No,” Kit smiled faintly as she started to pull her toast apart and mix it into her yogurt. “Its her mother.”

“Ha ha. Listen Kit, I just got word that they need my help down at the other office in Glenton. I'll need you to be here to keep an eye on things while I'm gone.”

Kit spooned some of the yogurt and toast mixture into her mouth and munched it slowly. “How long will you be gone?”

“Just a day or two.”

“When do I need to be in?”

“Like now, I want to leave as soon as possible.”

“Okay, I'm on my way,” Kit hung the phone up and ran to the bathroom to brush her hair. Some days she was very happy to have long hair, but other days she felt like taking the scissors to it herself. This was one of those days. She ripped through her hair hastily, ignoring her scalp's complaints, muttering to herself in her home language as she did so. Ack, Sie sind so ein Schmerz manchmal! She was soon on her way to the door though, grabbing for her half-eaten breakfast and strapping on her gun as she went.

Leave a Clue

Apr. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by SuzyScribbles

Yes, I THINK I got it. I had something from the Story Nook. I think this is it. However, I'm getting a number of e-mail prompts about other stories, so you will understand if I get blog names mixed up. LOL

Nice addition. Be careful to not "freeze the moment" too long. Some action interspersed with the (great) description would help break up the longer sections. Speaking of breaking up...you really need to divide that first section into paragraphs. It works very well to just hit "enter" and have your "indents" be line skips. I liked it further down where you did that.

All in all, a nice "interlude" while Kit is considering her next move and resting, etc.

I have one thing you should address. It is the POV change here:

A ray of sunlight filtered through the blinds of Kit's window, revealing a SLUMBERING WOMAN, a book lying open on her chest. All was quite except for the sweet song of the finch just outside the window.

You jumped from Kit's POV into God's (called omniscient) POV. For an instance, I thought the kidnapped girl had shown up at Kit's place! (A slumbering woman? I thought. Oh...it's Kit!)

Just something to think about....

Permanent Link

Apr. 10, 2008 - WOW!

Posted by Uruviel

Oh Chic, you're a great writer!!!!!!!!! I'm writing a story now and I don't know if I should put it on a blog or not..... But your story is so good!! And Moonchild's... have you read hers yet? That one is good and CrEePy (in a good way) =) =D
Lin mellon, your friend,
Uruviel

Permanent Link

Entry 8 of 37
|