~*~ Musings of a Mother ~*~

~~ Musings of a Mother ~~

• Apr. 28, 2006 - Vortex

One thing and another
downward spiral
ever faster...
Out of control.

Vicious cycle
spinning, spinning
stop! slow down! break in!
Can't control.

Day to night, afraid to sleep
warm and wet
shock and shame.
No control.

Early to bed
can't wind down
faulty walls erected.
Leave me be! I'll do it my way

Early to rise
slow, ambiguous heat
walls crumbling
fusion of desire and repulsion...
Go away!

Hope deferred, heart sick
another day, another vacuum...
Aching void.

Hours fly swiftly
like an eagle
minutes sift through my fingers
like sand in an hourglass
can't hold onto them
never enough of them...
Yet still they are squandered.

Duty calls from all sides
no space, no time
boundaries breached
abandoned
furry, cotton, anaesthetics
drifting, chasing dots
daily grind grinds daily
wearing, wearying
nasty headache.
Leave me alone to think my own thoughts!

Whirlwind
lost in the vortex
searching, seeking...
No peace within.

Ah! to capture the doodle bug!
and break these cursed bonds!
let loose! burst the dam!
attain! accomplish!
reach out! release!
When will the sun shine again?

Just for today I will
eat what I want
when I want
how much I want.

Just for today I will
do what I want
write what I want
sleep when I want.

Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow I will change.

But tomorrow...
Never comes.

~ Willena Rose

• Apr. 28, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

OOOOOHH! Stop talking about me! LOL! I can SO relate to this! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

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• May. 3, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by leigh

Been catching up on your blog and just want to say that you put a lot of pressure on yourself...like I do. I so empathize with you but unfortunately I have no words of wisdom. We're in the same boat.

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• May. 3, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Hallmark

Poetry expresses the ebb and flow of emotion so much more powerfully than prose, doesn't it.

(hugs) Sounds like you need a hug, unless this was a totally academic exercise. Which it doesn't sound like it is.

Reminds me of a poem I wrote in eighth-grade English poetry class: (yes, long ago, and one of the few things that I have carried in my memory all these years, for some reason. maybe because the struggle is ongoing.)

LordIamsolazy,
IwishthatIwasnotso.
IwishIcouldbemorehardworking;
ThenmaybeIwouldrespectmyself.

(hugs again)

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• May. 3, 2006 - Thanks, ladies

Posted by wrose

Thanks for the encouragement and hugs. And no, this was not a mere academic exercise. It was an outpouring of my heart one morning last week. I write a lot, but never poetry... I didn't even know I could do it... it just sort of grew out of the words I threw at the screen. I guess I caught the poetry bug from teaching the boys their poetry unit. :p

Leigh, you are right... I am too hard on myself. But my problem is similar to yours in that while I don't have any serious challenges among my children, I do have to deal with my own ADD. I only learned a year ago that I have it, and while it is a tremendous blessing to understand why I think and act the way I do, it is also a tremendous challenge, because I can no longer blame others for what is my fault. What used to be be shadows have now taken shape and assumed faces, and must be dealt with. I have gained many tools for doing this over the past year, but am still all too easily overcome.

Things are looking up today. :-)

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