There is a lot of talk about swine flu right now….and not having good manners is more than too bad…it is a health hazard!

We are at the beginning of what may be a flu pandemic, or at least an epidemic. Health officials are advising us to wash our hands and to cover our mouths when we cough or sneeze. 

Covering your mouth when you cough has always been a common courtesy to yourself and others, but now it seems more important than ever. So many times we see children cough on everyone around them, and often with parents present, and nothing is said to the child to help the child learn how to respect himself….wow!

Teaching children to cover their mouths is not about the action of covering, but rather about learning an attitude of respect for themselves, which is the first step in gaining the respect of others.  Children learn from each other, and when you teach your child to cover his/her mouth you also teach and influence others who are watching; in turn they learn to have respect for themselves as well.

Whether children learn to cough into their left hand or into an elbow, wouldn’t it be great if that were the pandemic that spread, instead of the flu.

Spring is here!

Many of us live in neighborhoods, and with that come neighbors with dogs and children. Please remember that when living in an area with others, there are manners that we want our children to keep in mind…one of those is to not walk or ride a bicycle through a neighbor’s yard. 

Many people work hard on their yards. Please teach your child to be a good neighbor at a young age by being mindful and to always use sidewalks rather than cutting through flower beds or walking/riding on the grass.

Teaching how to be a good neighbor is not about the action of not walking through a yard, but rather about the attitude of being respectful to yourself, and showing that esteem to others, by respecting them: Such a simple lesson to teach to help set the landscape of their lives.

The original definition of etiquette was from the era of King Louis XIV and meant “Keep off the grass.”  Keeping off someone’s grass is a good rule to follow in spring and all throughout the year.

Hearts of kindness pre-printed or heartfelt?

This month with Valentine’s Day, children send Valentine cards to classmates, grandparents, relatives, etc. These cards have sweet thoughts expressing  friendship, love and caring about that person, often in the form of a preprinted compliment.

Compliments are honest words of kindness that we believe to be true about someone. Even though we may have these beliefs, we so often forget to express them verbally.  Complimenting others about their talents, acts of kindness they have done or about a job well completed, is an act we need to express to our children and help them to express verbally to others.

A thought to help inspire this may be: Instead of buying Valentine’s Day cards that have preprinted compliments that they just sign, have your child create his/her own card or buy the ones that are blank inside and have them write a compliment inside. This could be to their friends, or just family and a few close friends. 

Teach your children the importance of giving honest kind words, and how they, like others, enjoy the sweet sound a compliment brings.

The need to help children to have more self-confidence is a request we often hear from parents these days. Could it be that this lack of self-confidence may be related to a lack of good manners? 

Webster defines confidence as: “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.”

If your child has knowledge that results in the ability to act in the right or proper manner, this helps to instill self-confidence and once again reinforces the importance of good manners. Manners are the guidelines, we as parents can use to teach our children the rules needed for living and to enable self-confidence to happen.

Good Manners and self-confidence are directly related. So once again teaching good manners is not about what to do…but rather something much bigger… they are about how to be.

From time to time, we hear positive stories about kindness that we would like to share....positive stories that often time, we do not hear enough about. So as a result, we want to share these stories with you....If you have a story about kindness that you would like to share and maybe brighten someone else's day, please tell us your stories.  Here is a story that was shared with us...Enjoy!

However, that was not the most amazing part.  As we were getting ready to go see Santa at the mall, he froze and got into a real panic, “We didn't get anything for Santa!!!!!  We need to give Santa a gift!!!!  He needs to know we love him!!!!”  I was a little dumbfounded and tried to explain that Santa didn't look for anything in return from boys and girls, that he did this out of the goodness of his heart.  Well, Sam would have none of that logic.  He simply insisted we think of something to get for Santa.  So, we sat down and reviewed his list of what Santa might need, warm socks, pajamas, lunch etc.  We finally arrived at coffee - "because he has to stay up all night delivering toys and will need coffee to keep awake".  So off to Starbucks we went.  We decided to buy a gift card so Santa could choose which coffee he would want.  With our $10 gift card in hand and smartly wrapped, we went and stood in line at the mall to see Santa.  We stood in line for over an hour without complaint.  And when it was finally our turn, sure enough he asked only for a truck and when pressed for a list from Santa of more toys - still only a truck please.  When he was done he got off Santa’s lap, turned and hugged him, handed him his gift and said "I love you too."

I still cry when I think of it.  The best part of all is we now do it as tradition.  Last year we were in line for over 3 hours on Christmas Eve, still no complaints, and I can guarantee that we will find a Santa this year and do the very same thing.  My son looks forward every year to letting Santa know we love him.

That's my little story, but it’s one of my favorites.  I hope you can see that he understands that gifts are expressions of love and not just what you can get.  He still will not ask Santa for more than one item (I am a whole different story).

Sincerely,

N. C.

Charleston, SC

P.S.  My favorite holiday tradition is what I call “Candy Caning.”  I gather my family on some of the ugliest shopping days of the season and we head out to the busiest mall or shopping center (you can always find the grumpiest people in these places around the season of love).  Everyone scouts to find the harried, the tearful, the lonely, the angry, etc.  Then one of us, my son included, grabs a little candy cane that I have in my purse and walks up with the biggest smile and love in their heart and says, "Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays."  It gets them every time.  You can turn someone’s trauma or situation into one of the best days of their lives just by recognizing they exist.  And my family fills up on the spirit and rides high for the rest of the year.  I really do recommend doing this, especially if you are having a bad day.

This time of year, children often receive many gifts, everything from toys to clothes to electronics, etc., but is it all about the receiving for children, what about the giving?

Most parents buy the gifts that their children will give, but could we teach the attitude of gratitude to our children, not by what they get, but rather, by what they give?

Having your children give of their time or give something they have created, is ultimately a much bigger gift than anything that can be bought, and these creations are often cherished the most.

By giving something of themselves, they are learning how wonderful it feels to truly give.  Giving helps them to be more appreciative of what they get…and that lesson is the best gift of all. This message will withstand the test of time through the attitude of gratitude that is reflected through life with the words “Thank you” and “You’re welcome.”

Are people the only ones that can be scared on Halloween?

Having saintly manners, while dressed up as monsters, is not only necessary for people, but for our pets as well…..

Taking your dog “trick or treating” may not be kind to your pet.

Dogs are often scared by the costumes or the screaming that may be heard. 

Looking at it from another view, your pet may frighten other children, as well as adults and pets of the property owners you are visiting.

Be kind to your pet, this may be a good time to leave the “Red Baron” at home.

Being considerate on Halloween means being respectful to people, property and pets.

Americans spend 2.5 billion on Halloween, a festival of dressing up and trick or treating. On this night when being a monster may be scary, are we haunting the neighbors?

The polite neighborly rule is to only enter properties that are well lit. Not all people want to participate in Halloween festivities. If the porch light is not on….do not enter onto the property.

If the porch light is on, please remember to use driveways and walkways rather than cutting through flower beds or walking on the grass.  The original definition of etiquette was from the era of Louis XIV’s and meant “Keep off the grass”.

Keeping off someone’s grass is a good rule to follow for Halloween…. and all throughout the year.

From time to time, we hear positive stories about kindness that we would like to share...positive stories that often time we do not hear enough about.  If you have a story about kindness that you would like to share and maybe brighten someone else's day, please share your stories by posting a comment.

Below you will find a story about kindness that was recently shared with us.  Enjoy!

Cindy, thank you so much for your article in this week's Moultrie News.  I love reading your articles, they always confirm that I am doing the right thing with my son.  I am someone who believes that manners show you care and respect others as human beings.

I wanted to share a story about my son's trick or treating.  He was two at the time (4.5 now).  We had been out for quite a few houses and he had been turning down more than one piece of candy at each house.  The adults kept trying to coerce him into taking a fistful and he kept saying "No, thank you." and as he would turn to leave he would tell them "Happy Hawoween!"  On the last house of the evening, we rang the doorbell of what I shall call an extreme Senior.  She was truly so old and frail, I was concerned she would fall over from holding her little tray of goodies.  She had the most lovely smile and a true kindness in her eyes.  My son said "Trick or Treat" and she bent down to allow him to choose some candy.  He debated over the selection, chose one piece and placed it into his little sack.  He then continued to dig around in his candy bag for quite some time.  I could not understand what he was doing, we (the adults) all looked at each other until he finally stopped.  He dug out a piece of his favorite candy and handed it to the lady.  He then, with the biggest smile said "Happy Hawoween"!  This nice woman looked at him and then at me and started to cry.  She was not sad, but said in all of her life this had never happened to her.  She then looked at my son and said "Thank you."  She also decided we were to be her last trick or treaters of the night and dumped all of her candy in my sons bucket (except the piece he had given her).  She said she wanted to end the night on a high note.

I thought this to be one of the best nights of my life.  Everything I had been teaching him since birth had actually been sinking in to head and his heart!  And my favorite part of this story is, he didn't understand what we were all making a fuss about.  He just shrugged his little shoulders when I told him how proud of him I was.

I just wanted to let you know there are many of us out there and we will take over the world, one smile and thank you at a time.

Again, thank you for your articles, they make me smile every time they appear in the paper. 

N. Coppock, Charleston, SC.

This time of year, kids and even adults, dress up in costume for the fun of what is commonly known as Halloween. Although children may be dressed like monsters…..do you know what is considered monster manners?

Be sure to teach your children to not make comments about the candy given….if it is not their favorite or even liked, it is not good manners to say things like…."Don’t you have anything else” or “I do not like that kind of candy”. 

No matter what kind of candy is given, the correct response is simply thank- you.

As Forrest Gump would say, remember, life is like that bag of candy, you never know what you are going to get…..this is an ideal time to teach your children to be gracious. 

We often see children holding their spoon like a shovel while dining…..why is that?

A child has small hands and it is easier to hold the spoon as you would a shovel. However, without being taught the proper way, this behavior may carry on…sometimes into adulthood.  Even as a young adult, this action is not considered to be good manners.

As a parent, your child is depending on you for direction. Besides teaching good behavior, on an even bigger note, teaching your child how to correctly hold a spoon is not about the action of learning how to hold the spoon, it is about teaching the attitude of respect…learning the attitude of showing value for yourself first, and then the others, with which you may be dining.

Teaching your child the little things of dining correctly, will help them learn the bigger things…. like respecting themselves.                           

Does your child know the difference between bragging and being humble?

The dictionary describes the word humble as, “not proud or not arrogant” as oppose to bragging which means, “to talk boastfully”.

Teach them that bragging is not considered to be nice or polite and is really not necessary.  Someone who is really good at something does not need to brag by telling others how good he/she is, because people already know it…as they are able to see it for themselves!

Remember, you are not just teaching the action of not to brag, but rather, you are teaching the attitude of humility.  Teaching the attitude of humility allows for even greater things to happen because you are not trying to impress others by talking about yourself.  Understanding that having an attitude of humility frees you to just love and live...your best you!

Most children love candy, but even with all the sweets they eat, are they being sweet?

Children and sugar… wow, what a busy combination!  Children will often go for the full-fisted approach when offered candy by way of a bowl or when trick or treating.

Teach your child to take only one piece of candy when offered.  Teach them not to hog a hand full or the whole bowl of candy.  Explain that there are others that may also enjoy some and that sometimes we get more, by taking less; this is called sharing.

The action of sharing teaches the bigger attitudes of happiness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, awareness of others and their feelings, and gives a sense of community, promotes civilization….and more.

Wow! That is a lot of lesson for one piece of candy, let them enjoy and savior the sweetness.

Kids today, are involved in a lot of sports and being on the winning team is often the goal; but are we sometimes leaving out one of the most important components to a great match?

Sportsmanship means good manners in the arena. 

Children need to understand that sportsmanship is very, very important. For without sportsmanship, even with all the equipment and a beautiful arena and both teams present, we could not play any sports.

Understanding that showing our teammates respect, allows us to play together as a team.  We have to respect our competition, so that we have a contest and we have to respect the fans so that they come to witness and support the event. And of course, respect for the rules…teaching them that if there were no rules… there would be no sports!

Respecting yourself enough to enable respect for the other players, the coaches, and the fans….good sportsmanship is not only necessary for sports to be played, but also, necessary for a truly great game. 

Is the attitude of self-worth and the use of good manners related?

Self-worth is a learned attitude.  Self-worth may not be what some people think it is.  It is not about self importance or about being better than anyone else. Self-worth is rather about self confidence, which quite frankly is the opposite of self importance.

Self importance is based on insecurity. Self confidence is based on being very secure with who you are and in children, that attitude starts with how you teach them to treat themselves, i.e.… how they act, and treat others.

It is like the circle of life….through the action of using good manners, the attitude of self-worth is learned, and as it comes back around, self-worth is reflected in your use of good manners.

Saying please and thank you is probably the first lesson we teach our children, in the realm of mannerly conduct.  You may think this lesson is all about the action of your child saying these few words to you as the adult, but is this action more of a global event?

When you teach your child to say please and thank you, in effect, that is what will be the response.  However, your conscious lesson is much more than what is going on under your roof or around your kitchen table. …you are playing a much bigger role, in a much bigger plan, of carrying on and carrying out civilization.

You cannot have civilization without civility. The passing of this time tested courtesy is your part of not only building your personal legacy, but also, the legacy of your family……the human race.

What about kids and the expectation of manners?

A parent’s expectation of their child is very important.  Children look for guidelines, boundaries and rules from parents.  As parents, it is important that you do not let your children down by not providing these things.  Not only is it ok for you to have an expectation for your child, it is essential! 

Manners are part of those expectations.  However, your child cannot live up to those expectations, if they do not know what they are or if they only hear about the expectation when they miss the mark.

So we must be clear what the expectation is…..the teaching of manners must start in our homes…these lessons of self confidence are too important to leave to anyone else.

Kids will hit the mark a lot more often, when they clearly understand what the target is.

Sportsmanship  

These days, it seems the parents of children participating in sports, are getting in the face of the umpires, coaches and even players. Is this a simple act of anger or a larger act of disrespect?

It has always been the accepted custom of fans to cheer for their player or team. However, that does not include insulting their own or the opposing team, umpires, coaches, players, etc.  That type of conduct is considered unsportsmanlike.

Although behavior during the game is as important as the rules of play,

sportsmanship implies more than just playing the game. We all need to do our part to teach good sportsmanship in the game of life. Our children need to see us abiding by the rules of respect, in order to learn by example…our example.

So go ahead…. get in the game.