January is national “Thank-you” month.

What a great way to start out the new year by teaching your child to say thank-you more often. 

Remember when you teach your child to say thank you, you are not teaching the action of saying thank-you, but rather you are teaching the attitude of gratitude….the words thank-you are just the reaction to the feeling of gratitude.  You are not teaching what to do….you are teaching something much bigger, you are teaching how to be.

This process is so important and making it fun can take it from something they have to do, to something they want to do.

The transition of fun occurs as you help your child send some hand written notes by using colored paper and/or pencils, stickers, etc;  or possibly playing a game that “catches them caring” enough and recognizes when they say thank you, in both a verbal and/or written manner.

It is important to help your child recognize the good feeling associated with saying thank you and how they share that happiness with the people receiving it as well.  

December is always an exciting time of year for children.  They often are on their best behavior, under the threat of receiving no Christmas presents, but instead a nice piece of black coal in their stockings.

Knowing that Santa keeps tabs on our naughty and nice behavior, teaches   children the lesson that what they give and how they act results in what they receive….a concept that is true no matter what time of the year it is.

It is important to teach children all year long that good or bad behavior results in what they receive…. not in monetary rewards or gifts, but rather and more importantly, in relationships with others. 

Sometimes we as parents, may need to help our children understand this.  Pointing out when they use this behavior, helps them to recognize how happy it makes others feel.  By complimenting them, it may encourage them to do this more often.   

It is important to teach children that the “power of nice” is much more exciting than just getting a toy at Christmas that will ultimately get thrown to the wayside: Nice is rather, a gift that lasts a life time.

Back in May, I blogged about the swine flu and covering your mouth,  (see May blog) I feel however, that I need to visit this topic again….as flu season is now getting started.

I realized that some people may be telling their children to cover their mouths and the children may still be failing to do so.  

I was traveling back on a plane to Charleston, a few weeks ago and there was a small child sitting behind me and he coughed and sneezed the entire trip.  He did not cover this mouth and even though he was behind me I know he did not cover his mouth because every time after he sneezed or coughed, his father would say “cover your mouth”.

It occurred to me that in saying “covering your mouth” and not demonstrating how to do so, we may assume that children understand what we mean. By only saying “cover your mouth,” we assume maybe too much.  Please do not forget to actually physically show your child what that means and how to do it.

Remember teaching your children how to cover their mouths is an act of respect…for themselves, that is.    

This time of year, our children start back to school and homeschool,

armed with paper, pencils, supplies, books, but how about respect?

Teach your children that showing respect for themselves begins by respecting the rules by which we live….as a community, a society and a nation.

We do this by showing respect to ourselves as parents and teachers, by abiding by the rules of the classroom. On the playing field, we abide by the rules of the game; and to our friends, by abiding by the rules of friendship that brings respect back to ourselves.

There will always be rules ….whether it be in the classroom or at work or in anything we do.  Having respect for ourselves, by abiding by these rules, is important to our moving ahead in school and in life.

It is Summer!!!  The best time of the year for children…and a time for a break from the school year to relax and have fun….however, taking a break from school is not taking a break from learning….

I encourage you, as a parent, to make this a wonderful time to help your child keep up with his or her manners…in a fun way.

Teaching your child manners is so important….you may or may not be able to help global warming (there is a debate about that) or may not be able to do anything about the wars or even the economy…but we can all help the world by doing our part to teach our children to be kind and civil individuals.

We hope you take this opportunity to teach these important lessons to your child this summer. Please find below, the link to two free summer manners lessons we are giving away…one lesson is on sportsmanship and one lesson is on being kind.

http://www.charlestonschoolofprotocol.com/topic.asp?pid=111

These lessons follow the same format as the National Homeschool Program we host.

Enjoy!

There is a lot of talk about swine flu right now….and not having good manners is more than too bad…it is a health hazard!

We are at the beginning of what may be a flu pandemic, or at least an epidemic. Health officials are advising us to wash our hands and to cover our mouths when we cough or sneeze. 

Covering your mouth when you cough has always been a common courtesy to yourself and others, but now it seems more important than ever. So many times we see children cough on everyone around them, and often with parents present, and nothing is said to the child to help the child learn how to respect himself….wow!

Teaching children to cover their mouths is not about the action of covering, but rather about learning an attitude of respect for themselves, which is the first step in gaining the respect of others.  Children learn from each other, and when you teach your child to cover his/her mouth you also teach and influence others who are watching; in turn they learn to have respect for themselves as well.

Whether children learn to cough into their left hand or into an elbow, wouldn’t it be great if that were the pandemic that spread, instead of the flu.

Spring is here!

Many of us live in neighborhoods, and with that come neighbors with dogs and children. Please remember that when living in an area with others, there are manners that we want our children to keep in mind…one of those is to not walk or ride a bicycle through a neighbor’s yard. 

Many people work hard on their yards. Please teach your child to be a good neighbor at a young age by being mindful and to always use sidewalks rather than cutting through flower beds or walking/riding on the grass.

Teaching how to be a good neighbor is not about the action of not walking through a yard, but rather about the attitude of being respectful to yourself, and showing that esteem to others, by respecting them: Such a simple lesson to teach to help set the landscape of their lives.

The original definition of etiquette was from the era of King Louis XIV and meant “Keep off the grass.”  Keeping off someone’s grass is a good rule to follow in spring and all throughout the year.

Hearts of kindness pre-printed or heartfelt?

This month with Valentine’s Day, children send Valentine cards to classmates, grandparents, relatives, etc. These cards have sweet thoughts expressing  friendship, love and caring about that person, often in the form of a preprinted compliment.

Compliments are honest words of kindness that we believe to be true about someone. Even though we may have these beliefs, we so often forget to express them verbally.  Complimenting others about their talents, acts of kindness they have done or about a job well completed, is an act we need to express to our children and help them to express verbally to others.

A thought to help inspire this may be: Instead of buying Valentine’s Day cards that have preprinted compliments that they just sign, have your child create his/her own card or buy the ones that are blank inside and have them write a compliment inside. This could be to their friends, or just family and a few close friends. 

Teach your children the importance of giving honest kind words, and how they, like others, enjoy the sweet sound a compliment brings.

The need to help children to have more self-confidence is a request we often hear from parents these days. Could it be that this lack of self-confidence may be related to a lack of good manners? 

Webster defines confidence as: “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.”

If your child has knowledge that results in the ability to act in the right or proper manner, this helps to instill self-confidence and once again reinforces the importance of good manners. Manners are the guidelines, we as parents can use to teach our children the rules needed for living and to enable self-confidence to happen.

Good Manners and self-confidence are directly related. So once again teaching good manners is not about what to do…but rather something much bigger… they are about how to be.

From time to time, we hear positive stories about kindness that we would like to share....positive stories that often time, we do not hear enough about. So as a result, we want to share these stories with you....If you have a story about kindness that you would like to share and maybe brighten someone else's day, please tell us your stories.  Here is a story that was shared with us...Enjoy!

However, that was not the most amazing part.  As we were getting ready to go see Santa at the mall, he froze and got into a real panic, “We didn't get anything for Santa!!!!!  We need to give Santa a gift!!!!  He needs to know we love him!!!!”  I was a little dumbfounded and tried to explain that Santa didn't look for anything in return from boys and girls, that he did this out of the goodness of his heart.  Well, Sam would have none of that logic.  He simply insisted we think of something to get for Santa.  So, we sat down and reviewed his list of what Santa might need, warm socks, pajamas, lunch etc.  We finally arrived at coffee - "because he has to stay up all night delivering toys and will need coffee to keep awake".  So off to Starbucks we went.  We decided to buy a gift card so Santa could choose which coffee he would want.  With our $10 gift card in hand and smartly wrapped, we went and stood in line at the mall to see Santa.  We stood in line for over an hour without complaint.  And when it was finally our turn, sure enough he asked only for a truck and when pressed for a list from Santa of more toys - still only a truck please.  When he was done he got off Santa’s lap, turned and hugged him, handed him his gift and said "I love you too."

I still cry when I think of it.  The best part of all is we now do it as tradition.  Last year we were in line for over 3 hours on Christmas Eve, still no complaints, and I can guarantee that we will find a Santa this year and do the very same thing.  My son looks forward every year to letting Santa know we love him.

That's my little story, but it’s one of my favorites.  I hope you can see that he understands that gifts are expressions of love and not just what you can get.  He still will not ask Santa for more than one item (I am a whole different story).

Sincerely,

N. C.

Charleston, SC

P.S.  My favorite holiday tradition is what I call “Candy Caning.”  I gather my family on some of the ugliest shopping days of the season and we head out to the busiest mall or shopping center (you can always find the grumpiest people in these places around the season of love).  Everyone scouts to find the harried, the tearful, the lonely, the angry, etc.  Then one of us, my son included, grabs a little candy cane that I have in my purse and walks up with the biggest smile and love in their heart and says, "Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays."  It gets them every time.  You can turn someone’s trauma or situation into one of the best days of their lives just by recognizing they exist.  And my family fills up on the spirit and rides high for the rest of the year.  I really do recommend doing this, especially if you are having a bad day.

This time of year, children often receive many gifts, everything from toys to clothes to electronics, etc., but is it all about the receiving for children, what about the giving?

Most parents buy the gifts that their children will give, but could we teach the attitude of gratitude to our children, not by what they get, but rather, by what they give?

Having your children give of their time or give something they have created, is ultimately a much bigger gift than anything that can be bought, and these creations are often cherished the most.

By giving something of themselves, they are learning how wonderful it feels to truly give.  Giving helps them to be more appreciative of what they get…and that lesson is the best gift of all. This message will withstand the test of time through the attitude of gratitude that is reflected through life with the words “Thank you” and “You’re welcome.”

Are people the only ones that can be scared on Halloween?

Having saintly manners, while dressed up as monsters, is not only necessary for people, but for our pets as well…..

Taking your dog “trick or treating” may not be kind to your pet.

Dogs are often scared by the costumes or the screaming that may be heard. 

Looking at it from another view, your pet may frighten other children, as well as adults and pets of the property owners you are visiting.

Be kind to your pet, this may be a good time to leave the “Red Baron” at home.

Being considerate on Halloween means being respectful to people, property and pets.

Americans spend 2.5 billion on Halloween, a festival of dressing up and trick or treating. On this night when being a monster may be scary, are we haunting the neighbors?

The polite neighborly rule is to only enter properties that are well lit. Not all people want to participate in Halloween festivities. If the porch light is not on….do not enter onto the property.

If the porch light is on, please remember to use driveways and walkways rather than cutting through flower beds or walking on the grass.  The original definition of etiquette was from the era of Louis XIV’s and meant “Keep off the grass”.

Keeping off someone’s grass is a good rule to follow for Halloween…. and all throughout the year.

From time to time, we hear positive stories about kindness that we would like to share...positive stories that often time we do not hear enough about.  If you have a story about kindness that you would like to share and maybe brighten someone else's day, please share your stories by posting a comment.

Below you will find a story about kindness that was recently shared with us.  Enjoy!

Cindy, thank you so much for your article in this week's Moultrie News.  I love reading your articles, they always confirm that I am doing the right thing with my son.  I am someone who believes that manners show you care and respect others as human beings.

I wanted to share a story about my son's trick or treating.  He was two at the time (4.5 now).  We had been out for quite a few houses and he had been turning down more than one piece of candy at each house.  The adults kept trying to coerce him into taking a fistful and he kept saying "No, thank you." and as he would turn to leave he would tell them "Happy Hawoween!"  On the last house of the evening, we rang the doorbell of what I shall call an extreme Senior.  She was truly so old and frail, I was concerned she would fall over from holding her little tray of goodies.  She had the most lovely smile and a true kindness in her eyes.  My son said "Trick or Treat" and she bent down to allow him to choose some candy.  He debated over the selection, chose one piece and placed it into his little sack.  He then continued to dig around in his candy bag for quite some time.  I could not understand what he was doing, we (the adults) all looked at each other until he finally stopped.  He dug out a piece of his favorite candy and handed it to the lady.  He then, with the biggest smile said "Happy Hawoween"!  This nice woman looked at him and then at me and started to cry.  She was not sad, but said in all of her life this had never happened to her.  She then looked at my son and said "Thank you."  She also decided we were to be her last trick or treaters of the night and dumped all of her candy in my sons bucket (except the piece he had given her).  She said she wanted to end the night on a high note.

I thought this to be one of the best nights of my life.  Everything I had been teaching him since birth had actually been sinking in to head and his heart!  And my favorite part of this story is, he didn't understand what we were all making a fuss about.  He just shrugged his little shoulders when I told him how proud of him I was.

I just wanted to let you know there are many of us out there and we will take over the world, one smile and thank you at a time.

Again, thank you for your articles, they make me smile every time they appear in the paper. 

N. Coppock, Charleston, SC.

This time of year, kids and even adults, dress up in costume for the fun of what is commonly known as Halloween. Although children may be dressed like monsters…..do you know what is considered monster manners?

Be sure to teach your children to not make comments about the candy given….if it is not their favorite or even liked, it is not good manners to say things like…."Don’t you have anything else” or “I do not like that kind of candy”. 

No matter what kind of candy is given, the correct response is simply thank- you.

As Forrest Gump would say, remember, life is like that bag of candy, you never know what you are going to get…..this is an ideal time to teach your children to be gracious. 

We often see children holding their spoon like a shovel while dining…..why is that?

A child has small hands and it is easier to hold the spoon as you would a shovel. However, without being taught the proper way, this behavior may carry on…sometimes into adulthood.  Even as a young adult, this action is not considered to be good manners.

As a parent, your child is depending on you for direction. Besides teaching good behavior, on an even bigger note, teaching your child how to correctly hold a spoon is not about the action of learning how to hold the spoon, it is about teaching the attitude of respect…learning the attitude of showing value for yourself first, and then the others, with which you may be dining.

Teaching your child the little things of dining correctly, will help them learn the bigger things…. like respecting themselves.                           

Does your child know the difference between bragging and being humble?

The dictionary describes the word humble as, “not proud or not arrogant” as oppose to bragging which means, “to talk boastfully”.

Teach them that bragging is not considered to be nice or polite and is really not necessary.  Someone who is really good at something does not need to brag by telling others how good he/she is, because people already know it…as they are able to see it for themselves!

Remember, you are not just teaching the action of not to brag, but rather, you are teaching the attitude of humility.  Teaching the attitude of humility allows for even greater things to happen because you are not trying to impress others by talking about yourself.  Understanding that having an attitude of humility frees you to just love and live...your best you!

Most children love candy, but even with all the sweets they eat, are they being sweet?

Children and sugar… wow, what a busy combination!  Children will often go for the full-fisted approach when offered candy by way of a bowl or when trick or treating.

Teach your child to take only one piece of candy when offered.  Teach them not to hog a hand full or the whole bowl of candy.  Explain that there are others that may also enjoy some and that sometimes we get more, by taking less; this is called sharing.

The action of sharing teaches the bigger attitudes of happiness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, awareness of others and their feelings, and gives a sense of community, promotes civilization….and more.

Wow! That is a lot of lesson for one piece of candy, let them enjoy and savior the sweetness.