Today was one of those mornings when we just couldn’t get going.  My aspirations to get an early start vanished when I threw off the covers to go walk the dog.  It was SO cold!!!  Rusty just looked at me when I burrowed back into my covers.  Once we finally got moving nothing was where it was left.  Someone couldn’t find a shoe and another person swore they didn’t own a toothbrush.  It is one thing to loose something in a house but it’s not like there are a lot of hiding places in a 21 foot camper!  A Mommy timeout was in order after I found myself transforming into my mother, “If it was a snake, it would have bit you!”  After the awning incident, I took measures into my own hands and stocked a Mommy medicine kit.  A dip into my secret supply of cookie dough put everything back into perspective.  The rest of our morning went smoothly.

After an hour of unsuccessful searching for an attraction I swear doesn’t exist, we found ourselves at a place called Reptile Garden.  There is something about little boys that makes them attracted to slimy, icky things.  This being true, I found myself forking over way to much money to look at icky things behind glass.  Wouldn’t you know, the first thing they did was drag me into the reptile house?  What is with the fascination to venomous snakes, poisonious frogs, and furry spiders?  Can’t we just stick to the cute little puppies that lick your face and drool on you?  Like the reptile dome wasn’t enough, we had to hunt down the komodo dragon.  These things can eat people and my son wants me to turn my back to I so he can take my picture.  I think not.

It turned out that the place wasn’t all bad.  The kids got to go face to face with a 525 pound tortiouse.  I was a little apprehensive as Nate started to cover the big guy with slobbery kisses but a teenage docent assured me he was a gentle giant.  I didn’t have the nerve to tell her I was more worried about the turtle than my kid.  Nate slobbered away and the critter survived unharmed.  My personal favorite was the prairie dog exhibit.  It’s not just that they are cute and furry, although they certainly do have that in their favor.  A snake just crawls around like you don’t exist but the prairie dogs will play hide and seek with you.  Take, for instance, the time when Nate screamed.  Those little critters ran for cover like nobody’s business.  After a minute, they drew straws and the new guy popped his head out and squeeked an all clear to his buddies.  Before you knew it, they were all playing like nothing had happened. 

After one poor little feller had a nervous breakdown, we decided it would be best if we removed Nate from the area.  That is when the boys found another teenager holding a seriously scary looking lizard.  Picture a lizard mating with a porcupine.  The teenie bop was obviously a fry short of a happy meal because she thought I should touch the beast.  I draw the line at driving my kids across the country.  I have no need to touch something that ugly.  She giggled like I was teasing and stuck it out closer.  Ummm, no.  The boys peppered her with questions for five minutes until she got up to leave.  Thinking we had finally scared her off, I made the mistake of stopping to fasten the baby’s seatbelt.  I should have run while I had the chance.  She reappeared a moment later with the biggest snake you have ever seen. 

“It’s a python,” she bubbled as she held him out towards me. 

I spent the next half hour trying to save my kids from certain death.  The boys were oblivious to their peril and seem obsessed with getting eaten.  They squealed with glee when she offered to let them hold the thing.  What is wrong with these people? 

We managed to escape unscathed only to find ourselves at the croc exhibit.  There is just something about an animal big enough to eat me that leaves me a little uneasy.  I was in the process of pushing my brood through when another teenager walks out into a display and starts pushing the critters with his shoes.  The alligators scurried right into the water but the crocodiles completely ignored the ignorant youth.  When it became apparent he was being ignored, the young man started jabbing the beast with the end of a rake!  Even Kaleb saw the foolishness in this, “Are you trying to get eaten?”  The man laughed and explained he was supposed to mow the grass but he needed to get the reptiles into the water.  Acting like this justified being eaten, he resumed raking an irritated crocodile.  The reptile opened his mouth to eat the man.  The guy didn’t even realize his life was in danger.  He laughed and good naturedly stuck the handle of the rake in the maw.  At this point, I decided it was time to leave before my children got a life lesson in common sense, National Geographic style. 

It was unfortunate that someone had the foresight of putting the exit inside the over priced gift shop.  Up to this point, the kids and I have had an understanding.  I will take them on a trip of a lifetime and they don’t ask for expensive souvenirs.  Each stop earns a postcard, a lapel pin, and a smashed penny where applicable.  The kids have a fun way to remember our mini adventures and I get out the door with less than $15 of souvenirs.  Our system worked great until today.  Who would have thought that Reptile World would sell the most adorable Moose figurines, including one playing a guitar?  Apparently Moose statues don’t sell well, go figure, because today they were half off. 

How could I pass up the perfect addition to Moosey’s collection when it was on sale?!?!  Chad later brought it to my attention that the savings were invalidated by the additional gifts I then had to purchase for the other three.  Husbands!  He didn’t appreciate that I saved him $20.  He didn’t see the pure joy on Kaleb’s face when I told him we could take it home.  After our conversation, I thought it best to omit the little detail that it took them a half hour to find the correct box, during which time Nate flipped out and was handed the world’s most expensive stuffed froggie which inadvertently got paid for before the price tag was looked at.  It was definitely not a $15 dollar gift store but now Nate has a $20 lovie to drool on.